


Shattered

by chasing_the_wild_dream



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Dark, F/F, Guilt, Slow Burn, SuperCorp, Trauma, badly injured, massive angst with a happy ending, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-10-13 18:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10519098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasing_the_wild_dream/pseuds/chasing_the_wild_dream
Summary: Lena had suspected that Kara was Supergirl for a while, but when things go south and she doubts, just for a second, she does what anyone would do - she shields Kara with her own body, which leaves her badly injured. Scarred.This is the story that tells how both of them deal with the aftermath of Lena's decision.





	1. All in vain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Misslane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misslane/gifts).



> _Hello everyone,_
> 
>  
> 
> _just a few words. This story is going to be dark and it's going to be painful as it will test our beloved ladies_  
>  _quite a bit, but the journey will be worth it, I promise._  
>  _The first chapter is shorter -to give you all an idea where this is going. The ones following will grow in length._  
>  _Everyone, who decides to buckle up for the journey - thanks for keeping me company!_  
>  _xo_

**L** ena Luthor stood in front of her bathroom mirror, staring at her grotesque reflection.  
Her left hand ran over her marred flesh shakily while she tried to keep her breathing under control.

Every morning ended in an almost panic attack once she had to face the truth. Face her new reality.  
Her reality was scars. Ugly scars. Too many to count. All over the right side of her face, down her neck and arm. Even her torso was covered in the remnants of what had been burns once.  
And then there were the scars of the surgery to take care of her shattered hip.  
The leg. The leg that wasn't there anymore. The leg that ended at her upper thigh.The prostethic that was now in its place.  
And the unbearable pain that came with all of it.

She was still standing though. She had survived. She had fought her way back from the coma, all the way through rehab and countless follow up surgeries and back to her office.  
Before the incident people had feared her for being a Luthor, these days people feared her. Period. She hadn't missed a single look of disgust and horror thrown her way and it hurt more than all her injuries combined. It burned more than the fire that had eaten away at her skin.

She had always been broken, but at least she had been beautiful.  
And then she had lost that too.

There was no point in wallowing in self-pity and she knew it. It wasn't that she was sorry for herself, because she stood by the choice she had made that fateful day.  
If only it wouldn't have been in vain.

She struggled to get ready for work and was entirely grateful that Jess had taken it upon herself to have one of the offices on the top floor of the L-Corp building remodeled and turned into a spacious apartment.  
Lena knew that hiding away wasn't the solution, but walking around in public was something she no longer felt comfortable with.

Comments like _“Now she looks like the monster she is...just like the rest of her family...”_ hadn't helped, it had only made a terrible situation ten times worse.  
When the news of an assassination attempt on Supergirl gone wrong had hit the media everyone had jumped to the conclusion that she had been behind it. That she had placed a bomb that had gone off too early, leaving her severely injured and the public had judged right away.  
That it had served her right for following the Luthor path, for trying to take their hero away from them.

If only they knew.  
That all of it had happened to protect their beloved hero.  
Her hero.  
Not Supergirl.  
Kara.

It had happened nine months ago on the day.  
Kara had invited her to lunch and they had walked through the park on their way back to L-Corp, laughing about some silly story Kara had shared about how she had manipulated Snapper into letting her write the article she had wanted to write instead of some boring piece on whatever he had planned for her.  
They had laughed together, both of them so carefree, simply enjoying each other's presence and it had been glorious. They had grown closer ever since Kara had proven her innocence when her mother had tried to set her up. They had been the best of friends. Some days it had seemed as if they could be more than that and Lena had never been happier.

And then Kara had dropped to the ground, screaming out in pain before a nearby building had exploded and collapsed and although she had been so sure that Kara was Supergirl, in that moment she hadn't hesitated to shield her with her own body.  
Kara had seemed so human as she had lied on the floor, in obvious pain and she couldn't risk it. 

Lena remembered it as if it would have happened yesterday and the nightmares she suffered on a regular basis made sure that she would never forget it.  
She had seen the massive piece of concrete comming their way and she had acted on instinct because what if she had been wrong? If Kara wasn't Supergirl after all.

And so she had thrown herself over Kara, trying to brace herself for the impact of that chunk of the building falling on her, but nothing could have prepared her for that kind of pain.  
Out of the corner of her eye she had seen him – Hank Henshaw, kryptonite in hand – as he came closer, step by step while a car got hit by the falling debris, sending sparks flying and all of a sudden the vehicle exploded.  
She couldn't have moved if she had tried, caught between cement and Kara's body as the flames set her alight. All Lena remembered was the bone chilling scream that had escaped her as she felt her skin melt away and the sickly green color of Kara's skin before everything had gone black.

She staggered at the memory, almost falling over and a sob escaped her lips.  
She was such a mess. Broken beyond words.

Coma. Countless surgeries to control the damage. More pain than she ever thought possible. And she would do it again if it meant that Kara would be safe.

The DEO had covered up the fact that Kara had been at the scene, of course, because there wouldn't have been a reasonable explaination why her body had been shattered while Kara had gotten away without so much as a scratch.

According to Maggie Sawyer, who had become somewhat of a friend over the last couple of months, Kara had stayed by her side day and night while she had been in coma although she must have had a hard time recovering herself due to being exposed to highly concentrated Kryptonite. Maggie hadn't gone into details about Kara's struggles and Lena had been too weak to ask.  
All she knew was that when she finally woke up Kara was no longer there.  
She wouldn't even have believed that she had been there at all had it not been for the folded Supergirl cape on her nightstand.

She had clung to it night after night, she did to this day, because it was all she had left.

Kara was Supergirl.  
But she hadn't seen either of them since she had opened her eyes in a hospital bed months ago. Neither had National City.  
Their hero was gone.  
And everyone blamed her.  
She didn't care though. Kara was safe, her identity protected. She would do it all over again in a heartbeat, because God did she love her.  
She had for a long time and she had hoped against hope that, one day, they could be together.  
That dream had gotten crushed together with her bones that day.  
And so she simply endured being made into the villain she never was. She endured, because it would keep Kara safe. Always.

She had never known what Kara had seen in her, but she understood what the ambitious reporter didn't see in her anymore now. Because the person she once had been was gone and all that was left was a crumpled shell of something that had once been beautiful, at least on the outside.

Lena struggled to put on her pants, almost falling to the floor twice in the process, before she grabbed the cane she needed to walk, or more like limp. She had work to do. She couldn't keep thinking about this, she just couldn't.  
It hurt too much.

It took her a while to make it to her front door, because every step felt like her body would crumble at last, but Lena was too stubborn to give up. She had always been driven and she wouldn't stop now. Because Hank Henshaw was still out there and she would find a way to stop him. To stop Cadmus and if necessary even her mother. And if it was the last thing she would do.  
Supergirl might be gone, but she was still here.  
And she wasn't done fighting although it got harder by the day. If only she could sleep, if only the nightmares would go away.  
Kara's pained screams. The smell of burning flesh.  
She vomited. Right there in the foyer. Like she did almost every day.

She had protected Kara and she would do it all over again.  
Kara was fine. She was alive. But she wasn't there anymore.  
She hadn't been ready to lose her and had lost her still.  
And while Lena was glad that Kara was out there somewhere, she couldn't help, but feel like it had all been in vain.


	2. Unbearable guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Thanks for all the feedback, guys! I feel so blessed to be a part of this fandom._  
>  _I meant to update earlier, but the site was down (not meant as critique). In fact it's a shout out to all the_ _amazing people who run AO3 and provide us with a platform to share our work. You guys are amazing!_
> 
> _And now on with the story...much love to everyone! xo_

**“Y** ou really should eat some breakfast, sweetie...”  
Eliza watched Kara, who stood at the window of their Midvale house, staring outside with hanging shoulders, and her heart ached for the Kryptonian she loved like a daughter.

“Not hungry.”

“Kara...”  
It was horrible to see Kara so defeated, so hopeless. 

Over eight months had passed since the young woman, who had once been a celebrated hero, had landed her feet in the front yard of her former home in the middle of the night, without her cape, asking Eliza for shelter.  
Of course she had allowed Kara to stay and she could stay in Midvale for the rest of her life for all Eliza cared, but she knew it wasn't right.

This wasn't Kara, not really.  
This was barely a shadow of the woman Kara once had been.

Alex had come to visit a couple of times in hopes that she would be able to convince Kara to return to National City, but to no avail.  
She had just sat there with the same hanging shoulders and broken spirit, broken soul.

Eliza was well aware that Kara felt guilty for not being able to save Lena Luthor, but she wasn't exactly sure why said guilt had taken over Kara's entire being.  
All she knew was that the guilt Kara felt was so heavy that not even Supergirl with all her strength could stem it and it worried Eliza more with each day that passed by.  
With each day Kara spent standing at the window, staring at the world outside with such longing that Eliza thought the Kryptonian might break.

Something had to give and soon because she couldn't watch the woman, she had vowed to always protect some many years ago, wither and fade away any longer.

“Kara...sweetie...”

“Hm?”  
It was the only reaction Kara seemed willing to give these days while she kept staring at the sky.

“Can you sit down with me for a minute?” Eliza asked, fully aware that she would need to approach this very carefully or the whole situation would probably blow up right in her face.

Kara did as she was asked and took a seat on the couch, eyes focused on her fidgeting hands. She tried to steel herself for the lecture that had to come, the lecture she had expected a lot sooner if she was honest.

“First of all I want you to know that you can stay as long as you want...and I love you”, Eliza began and got interrupted by Kara right away, “But?”

“I'm worried about you. We are worried about you. Alex says you aren't answering her calls.”

A heavy sigh was Kara's only reply.

Eliza took her hand and squeezed it gently, “Don't you miss her? Your friends? Your job as a reporter? Supergi...”

“Don't!”, Kara jumped up faster than Eliza could blink, “Don't mention Sup...”  
She couldn't even say it. She didn't want to think about it because as soon as she did the only thing that came to her mind was Lena.  
And with the thoughts of Lena came the pain. And the guilt.  
That horrible, all-consuming guilt.  
Not only hadn't she been able to save her, she had also run afterwards and had let others deal with the mess she had created.  
If only she had told her. If only Lena had known that she was...

“Kara...the world needs you. And if you don't want to be Su...a hero anymore...that's fine”, Eliza tried to reassure Kara, who had started to pace the room like a caged animal, “But you are needed in National City.”

“I can't go back. I can never go back. I just...I can't”, Kara got more agitated as she spoke and Eliza wasn't sure if she should let her be or keep pushing.  
Maybe Kara wasn't ready, but then again she should have returned to National City months ago. 

“Sweetie, what are you so afraid of? I can't help you if you don't talk to me.”

“What is there to say? I can't go back. I can't go back to saving people...saving random people, strangers...”, the former hero tried to keep her composure because she knew she would snap any second.

Eliza got up as well in an attempt to look Kara in the eye, “What happened with Lena is not your fault.”

“And who's fault is it then?” Kara barked out, “I should have told her. She was my friend...my best friend...and I...of all the people I've told...she was the one who would have deserved the truth the most. Had she known...she wouldn't have tried to...she wouldn't be...”

A single tear made its way down Kara's face, her voice only a whisper, “What kind of hero am I...when I can't even protect the person that matters the most.”

“Oh sweetie...”, Eliza made a step towards Kara, wanted to hug and comfort her, but Kara only backed away, “Don't. I...Lena got hurt...because of me. She got hurt...because I lied...and I...”

“Kara, you could have died that day...she saved your life because she cares about you...and even though you are Supergirl...the Kryptonite had you so weak...if you had lost your leg...you could have bled to death as well and you know it”, Eliza stated the facts with care, “Lena protected you...because you matter to her. And she matters to you...so why don't you...surely she needs a friend more than ever.”

A bitter and defeated laugh escaped Kara's lips, “And what makes you think I'm still her friend...after everything? She'll never talk to me again.”

“Have you tried? Or has she said anything?”  
She had to ask because Eliza was pretty sure that Kara had left National City the moment Lena Luthor had woken up from her coma or at least that was what Alex had told her.

“I'm going for a walk.”

Kara was out of the door before Eliza could have said or done anything to stop her.  
She simply needed a moment. She needed to breathe.

\-------------

She had run over to the forest dressed in jeans and a hoodie and at a faster speed than any human could have ever accomplished and it might have been reckless, but Kara didn't care. She didn't use her powers anymore these days, but she had to get away or she would have exploded.  
She needed to be alone, she needed to...she didn't know what she needed.

There were trees everywhere. And darkness. And somehow it fit perfectly because she couldn't see clearly anymore anyway.

All light had vanished from her life the day of the incident about nine months ago.  
All warmth had left her when she had seen Lena's broken body.

If anything it should have been her in that hospital bed, not Lena. Never Lena.

Kara wished she could say she hadn't told her because she had wanted to keep Lena safe. That she had some excuse good enough to justify her lies, but the truth was she simply had been a coward.

In the beginning she hadn't told her, because Lena was a Luthor and while she had never doubted Lena, she hadn't been sure about her family ties and where her loyalties would lie and Kara hadn't wanted to risk anything with Lillian Luthor being the manipulative person she was.

After Lillian had tried to set her own daughter up, after she had basically left her to die when Metallo's Kryptonite heart had exploded Kara had decided that she couldn't tell Lena, because Lillian was already on to Supergirl as it was and she knew that Lena's alien-hating mother wouldn't hesitate to torture her own daughter to find out about the hated heroine's identity.  
And while she had to admit Lena was a great actress, because she had fooled them all back in the days of the missile launch and the Medusa virus, she hadn't wanted to put that kind of pressure on Lena, because she had been struggling with the whole Luthor history, the truth about her father and running L-Corp enough as it had been.

Kara had wondered how Lena hadn't broken, hadn't even wavered. How she had kept going with all that weight on her shoulders, stoic and composed as ever.  
But then everything had changed and they had started to grow closer and closer and something had shifted between them and Rao, she had been so in love with Lena and she was still, not that it would matter anymore.  
She had been so in love with Lena, but she had also been a coward, well aware that she should tell Lena before anything could ever happen between them, because it was obvious that they were headed somewhere, somewhere more than friends, but Kara had been so scared that it would ruin everything.  
That her being an alien would matter all of a sudden, that her hiding her secret for so long, when she had told Lena that she trusted and believed in her for month, would destroy all that they had built.  
She had been afraid that they would end up being a Super and a Luthor, an invisible wall separating them. Kara hadn't feared that Lena would go evil, because she was indeed too smart and too good and she had become her own hero, but Kara had been scared and worried that Lena would pull away from her, from their friendship, from everything and the thought had been unbearable and so she had stayed silent.  
She would regret it for the rest of her life.

The fear was gone now because it had come true.  
Lena might still be alive, but she had lost her.  
There was no way that Lena would ever forgive her and Kara couldn't even blame her because she would never forgive herself.

If only Lena would have known, if only she would have told her.  
Then Lena wouldn't have put herself in harm's way and she would be fine now.  
Instead she had to be in a crazy amount of pain and it broke Kara's heart. 

She would have healed under the sun lamps, she would have been okay.  
But Lena...Lena had to live with the damage for the rest of her life.

Of course, somewhere deep down in her subconscious, Kara knew that Eliza and Alex were right – she could have easily died that day as well with the Kryptonite and all, but she didn't want to hear it, because her chances would have been a lot better than Lena's and she wouldn't have had all the scars.

She had only seen some pictures of Lena and how she looked these days on the front page of some newspaper recently and it had shocked Kara to the very core. While Lena had been in coma she had been bandaged up and Kara could honestly say that she had no idea that it would be that bad.  
She had barely been able to read the article that had been published with it.  
An article filled with speculation about Supergirl' whereabouts and Lena's role in her disappearance and Kara had wanted to punch and destroy something.  
Lena deserved a chance, had always deserved a chance, but the people of National City cared more about the name than the person.

It was the other way round for Kara.  
She cared about Lena. The Luthor was non-existent in her world. It simply didn't matter. It was nothing, but a name.

She wasn't bothered by the scars either because all she saw was Lena. It would always be that way, but she couldn't even imagine the pain Lena had to have been in and Kara felt, if anything, she should have been the one to feel it.

She was still standing in the middle of the forest, right on the spot where she had stop upon her arrival, and she felt so angry and so heartbroken.  
And so very guilty that she felt like she would never be able to fly again. Not like before. Not as Supergirl.

While flying had always been her thing because it had given her a feeling of peace and freedom and contentment, it all paled in comparison to the fact that Lena was no longer in her life.

How could she go back? How could she go back to National City, to work and to being Supergirl when Lena had to struggle to get through each day while she was unscathed, without a single mark or scar.  
The answer was she couldn't.

Kara couldn't go back to her life and move on when Lena would pay for the rest of hers.

She hit the tree next to her with her fist and full force, sending it flying, knocking down everything else in its way and Kara watched trees fall like dominos before she dropped to her knees and screamed.  
She screamed till her lungs burned and she thought she might get sick, she screamed till she couldn't breathe anymore as her desperation got the best of her.

She had hoped that it would make her feel better, but it only added to all the guilt she already felt.  
The guilt that outweighed the pain and the heartache, the guilt that made her numb and left her empty.  
She had nothing left to give.

\-------------

Kara returned to the house about half an hour later, half expecting to get another lecture from Eliza.  
What she didn't expect was Alex. Or J'onn. Nor their worried faces.

“Kara!”  
Alex seemed to be so relieved to see her and Kara would be lying if she said she wasn't glad to see her sister, but the hug came unexpectedly as well and while Alex clung to her, held on to her as if she would be her lifeline, as if it would be their last goodbye, Kara grew nervous, immediately aware that it couldn't mean anything good.

“You need to come with us, Kara...we need you”, Alex whispered and Kara instantly tensed, shaking her head, “You should have called Clark. He's helped out all these months...surely he can assist you once more.”

It was then that J'onn addressed her, “It's not an option this time, Kara. I'm afraid it has to be you.”

She was confused, her eyes wide, “I'm not sure I understand.”

Alex took her sister's hand in hers, “Maggie got hurt.”

Kara paled as soon as she caught the pain and the worry in her sister's eyes, “I'm so sorry...will she be okay?”  
She liked Maggie and she knew that Alex really loved her and the thought that someone else she held dear had gotten hurt because she hadn't been there, threatened to overwhelm Kara.  
The guilt would swallow her whole and alive.

It were Alex' next words that made Kara feel like she had suffered a fatal hit though.

“She got hurt because somebody tried to kill Lena.”


	3. Trail of tears

**“H** ow is she?”  
Kara's heart was beating so fast that she thought it would jump right out of her chest while her thoughts were one big jumble as panic washed over her.  
The sound of her blood rushing through her veins was deafening and she could barely focus on her sister, who watched her with growing worry.

“She's okay. Well, as okay as one can be in a situation like that”, Alex tried to calm her sister down, but she realised right away that it was pointless.

“What happened?”

Alex closed her eyes. She'd rather not tell Kara because her sister felt guilty enough as it was, but lying would only make it worse, wouldn't it?

“Maggie picked her up...because Lena had a doctor's appointment...for a check up. When they left L-Corp some lunatic tried to stab her...”

Kara was ready to bounce, to run off, fly off, whatever really, but Alex held her back, “She's fine. Maggie must have seen it coming 'cause she pushed Lena out of the way.”

“Was Lillian behind it?”  
Kara's inquisitive gaze made Alex look away, “No. He went after her because...because he was blaming Lena for Supergirl's disappearance.”

Heavy silence was what followed and Kara thought she might finally break, shatter into a million pieces.  
Lena had gotten hurt more than enough for a lifetime and now somebody had wanted to...because she had run away from everything. How had she been so naive, so blind? It had only been a matter of time for something like that to happen. Why had she never thought about that?  
She couldn't think clearly and Alex looked miserable because Maggie...Maggie!

“What about Maggie?”, Kara was the one to break the silence at last, causing Alex to wince, “She's okay. He just stabbed her shoulder...”

“I'm...I'm glad. You should go back...and take care of her.”

Alex nodded, “I will...but you have to come with us, Kara. Because Lena needs you.”

“No, she doesn't. She's better off without me”, Kara countered, ready to bolt, because she was aware that they would try to convince her with all their might.

“I can't explain it...you have to come with us and see for yourself”, Alex tried again, “I guarantee you...she needs you.”

Kara wasn't sure what Alex meant, but her sister seemed to be so convinced that it made her wonder what it was that made Alex so sure.

“She's at her new apartment on the top floor of L-Corp. The team is instructed to let you through in case you wanted to check on her”, Alex stated while J'onn nodded his approval, “I really believe you should. It's about damn time, Kara. Actually, it's long overdue, don't you think?”

\-------------

Alex and J'onn had left shortly after that and Eliza had wordlessly handed her the capeless supersuit, but she had only shaken her head.  
Maybe what Alex had said was true, although she was far from convinced, but she would go and see for herself.  
Maybe it really was time to face her demons.

She wasn't sure that it was a good idea, but she would never know if she wouldn't at least try. She owed Lena that much.  
What Kara did know though was that she would never wear that suit again.

\-------------

Flying after so long, clad in jeans and a hoodie no less, had been the easiest part, that much was certain. And it had been a rough start.  
Standing in front of the L-Corp building, on the other hand, was overwhelming, nerve wrecking if Kara was completely honest.

She thought about turning around, about leaving and going back to Midvale or probably even further away, but a DEO agent spotted her before she could have taken off and opened the door for her.  
Kara took it as a sign and entered the building with hanging shoulders and a heavy heart and was greeted by Agent Vasquez at the elevators. The familiar face brought a small smile to her face and she was glad that the agent stepped into said elevator with her, because she was all nerves by now.

“It's good to see you, S...Kara”, Vasquez' smile was one of encouragement. 

“I...thank you”, Kara kept staring at her shoes, “How...how is she?”

“Honest answer?”, the agent said in the softest voice she could muster while Kara closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “Uh...yeah. I'd...I'd prefer the truth.”

“Miss Luthor is having a hard time. A really, really hard time...she's pretty shaken although she tried not to let it on...but I think it's good that you are here. It's going to help her a lot”, Vasquez said as they stepped out of the elevator on the top floor and they walked the corridor in silence.  
Kara doubted that it would do Lena any good to see her, but for some reason everyone else seemed to think otherwise. She wasn't sure what to make of that, but she would find out soon enough.

Staring at what had to be the front door of Lena's new apartment Kara froze.  
Rao, she wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to face Lena, not even close, but Vasquez nodded at the two agents that stood guard on both sides of the door, obviously well aware that Kara needed a shove in the right direction.

When the door slid open Vasquez gave Kara's shoulder a quick squeeze, “Don't worry so much. You've got this.”

\-------------

Kara entered the apartment hesitantly, sneaking forward like a scared cat, alert and ready to jump. She didn't know what she expected, but she was nowhere near prepared for what she found when she stepped into the open space that was the living room and her heart shattered once again.

Lena was lying on the couch, covered with her Supergirl cape, clutching it to her chest as if it would be her lifeline and Kara was hit with another wave of guilt. It was in that moment that she realised that she should have never run off to Midvale.

She should have been here, here in National City, with Lena. She should have been there for her instead of hiding away like a fool.  
But she was here now and she would do whatever it took to help Lena get better because all the trauma Lena had suffered had taken quite a toll on her.

While she was lying on her side and Kara could only catch glimpses of her scars in the dimly lit room she knew they were there. And they would never go away.  
Lena looked so fragile, so broken, and Kara felt her own heart hurt in her chest as she watched Lena sleep.

\-------------

She had taken a seat in the armchair opposite the couch and had dozed off eventually, worn out by the emotional roller coaster ride the day had turned out to be. 

It was around three in the morning when Kara woke with a start due to a bone chilling scream and before she could have thought about it she was kneeling on the floor next to the couch, holding Lena's left hand, the uninjured hand, whispering words of comfort.

It took a few moments before Lena registered that she wasn't alone as she tried to focus after another horrible nightmare that had left her feeling disorientated and scared.  
She struggled to move into a sitting position and that was when she finally saw her – Kara Danvers. Kara Zor – El. Supergirl.  
Right there on her living room floor with worry written all over her face, guilt-laden shoulders and tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.

A small smile appeared on Lena's face, the first one in weeks, probably even months, but it only lasted a second before she turned her head away.  
Kara couldn't see her like this, couldn't see the monster she had become.

Maybe she was only dreaming?  
She managed to take another quick glimpse over her shoulder, half expecting to find the room empty, but Kara was still there.  
And she was holding her hand as well, but Kara wasn't looking at her anymore, her gaze focused on a spot on the floor, silent tears running down her face.

“You're back.”  
Lena's voice was hoarse and barely a whisper, but she knew Kara would hear her anyway.

“I'm back.”  
The tremble in Kara's voice was unmistakable and it tugged on Lena's heartstrings to hear the pain in her voice.  
She had known that Kara would feel guilty, but she hadn't expected it to be that bad. Then again – Kara's absence should have been a dead giveaway.

She tugged on Kara's hand carefully to get her attention, “Get up and sit with me. The floor can't be comfortable.”

The silence that followed was awkward, but Kara got to her feet and let herself fall onto the couch, still holding Lena's hand until she finally realised what she was doing and she let go as if she had been burned.

“I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...”  
A sob escaped Kara's lips and she cursed quietly, berating herself for falling apart when she should be strong for Lena. She had let her down more than enough.

Her head and upper body were still turned away from Kara, the cape covering her left leg and what had remained of her right and it dawned on Lena that she couldn't avoid this forever. Come morning Kara would see her in broad daylight anyway, in case she wouldn't disappear again. The mere thought threatened to overwhelm her as her heartbeat grew frantic, which didn't stay unnoticed thanks to Kara's super hearing.

“I can go.”  
It sounded like the ultimate defeat and Kara was already on her feet, but Lena reached out quickly, barely managing to catch Kara's hand, “No!”

The fallen hero sat back down quickly, holding Lena's hand delicately, unsure of what to do, “I'm sorry...I know you can't look at me right now, but Lena...I'm so sorry. You have no idea...”

“What do you mean I can't look at you?”  
She interrupted Kara right away because she was honestly confused, “I thought I'd spare you...my...appearance.”  
Lena's confession left them both speechless for a moment, but only till Kara regained some of her composure, “You're still you. You're still Lena. Your scars...you have them because of me and it will hurt me for the rest of my life...to look at you. Not because they are ugly...but because it will always remind me of what I did to you...by lying...by hiding...”

“I think I need you to look at me”, Lena rasped out while she tried to wipe the tears from her face, but it was to no avail as fresh ones kept falling and falling.

“Okay.”

“Can you...can you close your eyes for a second?”  
Lena grew anxious because she knew exactly how people reacted when they saw her in all her “glory” these days, but she had to look Kara in the eye. There was no other way.

“Sure.”

Lena heard Kara move and caught blonde hair moving around out of the corner of her eye and it dawned on her what Kara was up to when she felt a foot brush against her thigh.  
Once Kara had stilled Lena copied the position by scooting backwards, putting her good leg up on the couch and leaning against the other armrest of the couch. For some reason she had closed her own eyes and they just sat for a moment, legs touching, on opposite ends of the couch, waiting.

It was Lena, who opened her eyes first and it gave her the opportunity to study Kara for a moment.  
The room was only dimly lit, but it was enough to see that the dorky reporter was no longer there. There was nothing perky about Kara anymore, the bubbly personality had given way to guilt and desperation and Lena's heart shattered as she realised that the whole incident had left Kara scarred as well. In a different way, but still. Kara hadn't gotten away unscathed either and it was hard to see the woman, who had once been a powerful and fearless hero, so defeated and broken.

It was then that Kara's eyes finally opened and Lena was taken aback by their sparkle and their intensity while Kara tried to process what she saw.

Lena was alive.  
Lena's face, the right side of her face, was covered in scars from her forehead over her cheek down to her jaw. Her eyes and nose were alright. Her lips were okay for the most part. The scars ran down her neck and disappeared under Lena's plain black long sleeve shirt, but Kara was aware that they would be everywhere.  
She didn't mind though. In front of her sat Lena and no scar could ever change that.

A smile appeared on Kara's face, because she had missed her so much that it had almost driven her crazy and now they were together in Lena's apartment and for a moment she felt happy and hopeful, but then the reality of the situation came back and the smile fell instantly, only to turn into a frown.

“Lena, I'm so sorry...I know I should have told you...you would have deserved to know...you wouldn't have gotten hurt and I...I can never...”

Kara's smile, as bright as the sun, was all Lena could think about. God, she had missed that smile so much, because it had always made her feel warm, even on the darkest day. Unfortunately it hadn't lasted and hearing Kara beat herself up over what couldn't be changed anymore felt like all color would fade from her life once again.

“Kara, I knew”, Lena stated, her voice calm and strong, “I mean I had no proof, but I definitely had my suspicions.”

Kara's eyes went wide, “You knew?! You knew I am Supergirl...”  
She winced as she said it, but ignored it, “Was Supergirl...and you did it anyway? Why? Why would you do that, Lena?”

“Because I...”  
Lena closed her eyes again. She couldn't say it. It didn't matter anymore and it would do them no good to talk about it. She hadn't found the courage to tell Kara about her feelings back in the day and now it would only open up a can of worms she was no longer ready for.  
“You collapsed in the middle of the park...you were in pain...what would have you done if you had been in my place? You could have died that day, Kara...of course I tried to protect you. Why are you even asking me that?”

Kara dropped her head, “You shouldn't have. I would have healed...you should have saved yourself. Then you wouldn't be in pain now and...”

“You don't know that. Maggie said it was highly concentrated Kryptonite...you would have gotten wounded badly if you would have gotten hit by that chunk of debris...what if you hadn't been able to heal, what if...”, Lena countered.

“It wouldn't have mattered”, Kara whispered, “I don't know how to live with this. With the knowledge that I couldn't save you...with the knowledge that you got hurt...because of me. I can never...I can never make up for what you've done for me, Lena. Why are you not mad at me? You should hate me for not telling you...for...”

Tears started to trickle down Kara's face once again while Lena tried to gather her thoughts. What could she possibly say to make Kara feel less guilty, “When it happened...I knew there was a chance that you were Supergirl. I wasn't sure...well, I had no definite proof...and then you were lying on the floor, in pain...and I doubted. What if you wouldn't be? If you were a mere human...like me...”

“See...if I had told you”, Kara interrupted, but Lena shook her head, “I had a lot of time to think about it, Kara. Deep down I knew...I think I've always known. And I did it anyway. I just reacted to the threat...in a split second...I made my choice. And I'd do it again...in a heartbeat. Even though I know now...it doesn't make a difference. You've saved me so many times, Kara...it was my time to save you.”

Kara started to cry even more, overwhelmed by the confession and unsure what to make of it.

“And to answer your other question”, Lena continued, her voice trembling now, “I'm not gonna lie...it hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me...but I think I understand...”

“Lena, no”, Kara knew she had to tell Lena the truth. She owed her at least that much and so she pushed herself to talk through her tears, “It was never about trusting you...not like that. I never doubted you. In the beginning...I didn't want to put you into an impossible position...by telling you...you would have had to lie to your mother...and choose me over your family...I know...I know...she wasn't the mother of the year...but I just couldn't do that...and then...after she set you up...I didn't want to put another target on your back by telling you...I mean your mother and brother wanted you dead...and I...”

“Always the hero”, Lena replied with a small smile while fresh tears spilt from her own eyes.

Kara shook her head and sobbed, “Not really. I was selfish...and a coward. Because I know...when we started to grow closer and closer...that we were headed somewhere. And I really wanted that...and I knew I needed to tell you before...and then I got scared. Scared that you would hate me for keeping it from you for so long...for lying to you whenever I had to go...or reschedule...and that you wouldn't want to...you know...that you didn't want me...not like that...because I'm Kryptonian...an alien.”

Lena looked at Kara then, really looked at her, their gazes locked and a silent understanding passed between them.  
And then they both just sat and cried. Cried over everything they had missed, everything they had lost.

\-------------

The sun was already rising when the last tears finally dried and Kara got up, “I should probably get going and you should get some rest. I'll crash at my sister's till I find a new place to stay, but if you need anything...please call me.”

She had cancelled the lease on her apartment a couple of weeks after she had run off to Midvale, not able to afford it without a job. James had given her a lot of leeway in the beginning, but when she had shown no ambitions in regards to returning to National City he had fired her although he really hadn't wanted to. Kara appreciated that he had had her back for so long and she wished she had come to her senses earlier.  
Not because of the job or the apartment, but because of Lena.  
Lena would have needed her.

Now she would have to start from scratch, but Kara didn't mind. She would figure it out.  
The most important thing was to make sure that Lena would be alright. And safe.

“You could stay here”, Lena said out of the blue, surprising the both of them. She had been without Kara for so long, the thought of her walking out of her home suddenly unbearable.

“Are...are you sure?”, Kara asked with wide eyes while she tried not to get her hopes up.

“Doesn't your sister have a girlfriend?”, Lena reasoned before she added, “And it would be nice to have some company. Life has gotten...well, it has always been lonely, but...”

“I'm staying.”  
Kara didn't mind, not one bit. It would give her the opportunity to take care of Lena, which she should have done all along.

Lena wanted to get up as well and noticed that her prosthetic was nowhere to be seen.  
Damnit! One of the agents must have moved it somewhere earlier.

Kara realised that Lena was looking for something and one glimpse at her told her everything she needed to know now that the cape wasn't covering Lena's body anymore.

“I could carry you to bed if you want”, she suggested carefully, “Or get your...your...prosthetic leg?”

Lena waved her closer and wrapped her arms around Kara's neck, cape in hand, and Kara lifted her off the couch carefully, holding Lena close to her chest, holding her as if she would be the most precious thing in the world.  
And to Kara she was.

\-------------

Lena had been asleep as soon as her head had hit the pillow, worn out from a long, eventful and emotionally draining day, the cape wrapped around her, and Kara didn't have the heart to take it away from her.  
Apparently it provided Lena with a feeling of safety and she wouldn't need it anyway.

Now that she was standing at the large floor-to-ceiling window in the living room once again, wide awake, Kara watched the sun rise and she prayed that everything would work out for them. Things were far from fine and they had a lot to talk about and work through, no matter what Lena had said and deep down Kara knew that while tonight had been a start, it had also been the silence before the storm.


	4. Volcano

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _THANK YOU to everyone for the support and the love, for all the kudos and comments...I'm completely_ _overwhelmed and incredibly humbled. It means more than you'll ever know and I feel honoured to be a part_ _of the SuperCorp fandom and it is my pleasure to write for all you._
> 
> _I know this journey takes quite a bit out of everyone, so *hugs* to all of you!_
> 
> _And now back to the story...what comes after the silence?_   
>  _After the silence comes the storm. So hold on tight..._
> 
> _Much love to everyone xo_

**T** he peace lasted three days.

Three days in which Kara went back and forth between Midvale and National City to get all her things and “move in” with Lena.  
Three days in which Kara and Lena developed some sort of a routine around one another because Lena refused to stay at home when her office was only a floor down and she was “fine” and it wasn't like she could afford to miss any more work. She was still the CEO and it was time that she caught up on everything that had happened during her absence. 

It took Kara three days to realise that Lena's nightmares were a regular occurrence, which only led to more guilt on her part.  
It also took three days of sitting around, doing nothing specific, until Kara got bored, which was fascinating since she had done nothing for months back in Middle. 

And it was after three days of them living together that Lena dropped a glass, which shattered on the kitchen floor into a million pieces. Together with their short-lived peace.

Kara came rushing into the kitchen as soon as she heard the sound of breaking glass and found Lena struggling to pick up the shards.  
She grabbed Lena's wrist and stopped her motion with more force than she had intended, “Don't. I'll do it. I won't get hurt.”

“Don't I know it”, Lena snapped back, annoyed that Kara treated her like this fragile, little thing. She had endured Kara mothering her for three days, but it was too much. It made her feel as if she would be helpless, useless, and it didn't do her any good.

“I...I...”, Kara struggled for words and let go and only then did Lena realise what she had said and how it must have sounded, “That's not...I didn't mean...”

“Well, what did you mean?”  
Kara took a step back and watched Lena closely, “Because no matter what you tell me...or yourself...I know you aren't fine, Lena. Far from it. And that's okay. Something terrible happened to you and you're only human...”  
She closed her eyes at her poor choice of words, “I didn't...not what I meant...”

Lena knew it wasn't a smart idea to keep pushing, but somehow all the anger, the frustration, everything she had tried to bury in the darkest corners of her soul for months, broke free and she couldn't hold it back.  
“So what are you saying? That we mere mortals are beneath you after all? That we are all weak? That it takes heroic aliens to...to protect us from all harm because we can't possibly deal...and survive?”

“No”, desperation shimmered in Kara's eyes, “Lena, I didnt...”

“Damn right you didn't. Stop coddling me, Kara. I'm not going to break...and stop telling me I'm not fine...you aren't fine either. Or why did you hide away for months? Why did you stop working...stop being the hero we both know you are”, Lena's voice was almost taunting and she felt the anger give way to actual fury when she caught the miserable look on Kara's face.

“I...I can't...I'm not a hero...not anymore”, Kara didn't know what to say. She felt like somebody had stabbed her because Lena's words cut so deep, “I thought you wouldn't want to see me. That you'd hate me.”

“You were my best friend, Kara! My best friend...and I...I would have died for you...and you just up and left. You left when I would have needed you the most!” Lena barely kept her voice under control, because she felt like screaming, “I'm not mad that you didn't tell me. I'm mad at you because you left me!”

Kara took another step back, “I'm so sorry...I...maybe this was a mistake...us trying to live in the same place...and...why didn't you say anything the first night?”

A bitter laugh escaped Lena's lips, “And risk that you'd run again? Look at you now, Kara...you're eyeing the apartment like a caged animal, ready to bounce...checking for the fastest way out of here.”

“So you want me to stay?”  
Kara was confused, because Lena's tense posture, the anger and the fury sparkling in her green eyes told a different story.

“Of course I want you to stay. But you have to stop doing...this. This thing...where you chase after me as soon as I stumble or...sneeze. I'm not a charity case. It drives me mad”, Lena barked out and winced at the sound of her own voice.

“I'm sorry...”, Kara dropped her head while she tried her hardest to fight her own anger, her own frustration, “I just wanted to be here and help you. I thought I'd better be around in case you needed me...especially after I left you hanging for so long.”

Lena knew Kara meant well, she knew, but that pity party was getting the better of her. Kara was holding back and she'd rather have it all out in the open so they could make a clean cut and move on. Move on from this seemingly neverending nightmare. She was tired of hiding, tired of having people walk all over her for being a Luthor, tired of working herself into the ground only to get judged on her family's wrongdoings, tired of being looked at as if she would be a monster, even though she looked like one.

And so she finally exploded, not realising that she would set something else in motion, something she had absolutely no control over, “I don't need your help, Kara! I've been on my own for months and I managed just fine...without you. Help yourself...help National City. Save lives!”

Kara raised her hands in surrender and in an attempt to get Lena to stop talking because she knew that she had reached her limit, that she couldn't take more, “Lena...stop. I get it...you are mad at me...and you are probably angry at the whole world...and that's your right, but I can't...just stop.”

Lena tilted her head and glared at Kara, “You bet I'm angry. Because ever since I arrived in National City I endure...I endure the hate. I endure everything people throw at me. I endured the pain after that...incident...I endured the blame...I endured that you had abandoned me. But I'm done...I want my life back. I hate that people run as soon as they see me...I did nothing wrong..did I? I'll never regret protecting you, Kara...but I'm tired...I'm tired of getting treated like a criminal, like a villain...and then I look at you...and you stand here...and wallow in your self-pity and misery...while people would love to have you back. National City would be thrilled to know that Supergirl is back in town and ready to save civilians...but instead you're hiding in here like a fool!”

Lena saw it coming before it happened, but only by seconds.  
As if Kara would be a Volcano only seconds away from erupting and it finally dawned on Lena that she might have overstepped.  
Kara was traumatised as well after all. Why hadn't she been able to keep her mouth shut? Why did her anger have to get the better of her today of all days when she was well aware that Kara was scarred too and barely hanging on? 

Kara's fist slammed down on the kitchen counter, followed by a loud crack of breaking marble, “I can't go back! I can't be Supergirl anymore!”  
She was yelling now as all the pain and pent-up desperation broke free and Lena wasn't sure if she had ever seen anything scarier in her life, “Don't you see? I'm not a hero. I have all these powers, but I can't...I just can't. Stop forcing me! Everyone tries to force me back and I can't!”

“Kara...”  
Lena's voice was soft now, gentle. Calming. But to no avail.

Like a volcano Kara exploded with nothing to stop her and her words burned everything surrounding her like hot lava, “You're not the only one that has to live with what happened, Lena. I have to live with it too!”  
Angry tears were running down Kara's face now, her voice trembling, but strong, “Every single time I look at you I'm reminded of it. I don't care about your scars...you're still beautiful. You're still Lena...but it reminds me of the pain that you went through...the pain you should have never experienced. It happened because of me...because of who I am. And no matter how many times you tell me you'd do it again...I can't. You shouldn't have...I hate to see you in pain...I hate to hear you scream and cry every night...because of the nightmares you have. I hate myself so much...you have no idea. I can't move on...I don't know how. I don't know how to live with this. I don't know how to make it up to you...and on top of it all I let you down because I was scared that you'd hate me for keeping my identity a secret. You might not hate me, Lena...but I hate myself enough for the both of us...and I'm sorry that I tried to be there for you now...to help you out, because the thought of you stumbling and falling...of you getting another injury...and if it's just a bruise...it's unbearable for me. I can't deal...I...”

Lena made a step forward, but Kara shook her head, too agitated to allow anyone near her, “Don't. Stay away from me. I haven't used my powers in forever...I don't know...I don't want to hurt you. I couldn't live with myself if I'd hurt you...”

Frozen to the spot Lena watched as fear and anger clashed in Kara's eyes, battling for dominance, and she wanted to punch herself for putting Kara in this position in the first place. She needed to do something, say something, to calm Kara down, to ground her, because there was no telling what Kara would do otherwise.

“What happened to me...was not your fault. If anything it was my mother's. Cadmus. Hank Henshaw's. You need to let go of that guilt, Kara. We're both still here”, Lena tried to make a panicking Kara see reason, “Someone very dear to me once told me to be my own hero...it's time you get back to being yours. National City needs Supergirl...I need Supergirl. Not because I need saving, but you aren't yourself without her...and Kara Danvers...Kara Zor-El...I need you to be...well, you. I need you to be the person you've always been...so we can both start to heal...and move on.”

The words washed over Kara like a tsunami, halting the fire that was her anger and swept it away, bringing the bare desperation and defeat back to the surface.  
“I can't. I can't go back to saving strangers”, Kara's eyes met Lena's, the look of utter vulnerability in them scaring Lena even more, “I can't go back to saving strangers because I couldn't save the person who mattered the most. I can't go back...because I couldn't save you.”

And then Kara rushed out of the apartment at an inhuman speed, before Lena could have so much as blinked, leaving Lena no choice, but to stare after her.

\-------------

Kara stormed down the corridor like a fleeing horse, but instead of taking the elevator she took the stairs, making it down to the ground level faster than any elevator ever could.  
Once outside of the building she dashed off into the night in an attempt to calm her racing heart.

She only stopped running half an hour later, once she was on the outskirts of National City, up on a hill that allowed her a beautiful view of the city at her feet, but she couldn't appreciate it.

She felt powerless despite all her physical strength.

She had lost so much – her family, her home, her whole world.  
And she had sacrificed so much ever since the day she had put on the suit, ever since she had become Supergirl.

People had lied to her, people had threatened her, people had tried to kill her. She had taken it all in stride, but it had taken a toll on her.  
She had always suffered in silence because she had always had Alex and it had always been enough.

In the beginning she also had friends, but then James had lied about being Guardian, Winn had lied to cover him and even her sister had lied, because...why she didn't really know.  
They had argued and they had made up, of course, but it had never been the same again. She had not only trusted them with her life, she had also risked it to protect them and yet they hadn't found it in them to grant her the same trust and respect.  
It had been a disappointment and it had hurt, but she had dealt with it. She had swallowed it down like everything else and she had prayed that red kryptonite would never find a way within reach again because Kara was well aware that it could end deadly this time.

With Maggie entering Alex' life had come the biggest change and challenge she had faced until then because Alex had suddenly been busy all the time and while she had been, and was, happy for her sister it had been a huge adjustment.  
She had known that she had to learn how to be on her own, that she had to grow up eventually, but everything had basically happened overnight and it had thrown her for a loop.

Things had turned out fine eventually, thanks to none other, but Lena Luthor.  
Lena, who had always been true to her word and more importantly, who had always been true to her. Always loyal, always supportive.

Lena had pushed her, from day one, to be the best version of herself, because she had seen potential where everyone else had only seen dorky Kara Danvers.  
And Lena had always been kind and warm and comforting. She had made time when everyone else had been busy, she had listened and she had cared. They had laughed together on good days and cried together on the bad ones and Lena had managed to make her feel safe and content and somewhere along the way Kara had fallen in love with her.

She had fallen in love with this incredible woman, who had fought tooth and nail to get out from under her family's shadows, who had risen like the phoenix from the ashes, driven by nothing, but her own strength and sheer will.  
Love had finally been within reach for Kara after a lifetime of dreaming about it and she couldn't have been happier. 

She had wanted to ask Lena out officially but had struggled with finding the courage to do so, but that day in the park she had known it was time. They had been laughing and everything had felt so right and she had wanted to say it then, to confess her feelings, to ask what she hadn't dared before, the words already on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be let free and then her whole world had shattered.  
She had felt this unbearable pain that had brought her to her knees although she had tried to fight it with all her might she had collapsed right in front of Lena.  
She had watched the horror on Lena's face, had witnessed her bravery when Lena had flung herself over her while the debris had started to fall and there had been nothing she could have done.

She hadn't seen much because her eyes had kept closing on their own accord, but she had felt that chunk of concrete hit Lena, the weight pressing their bodies closer together. She had heard Lena scream and she had felt the blood, Lena's blood, run down her own body.  
And all she could do was lie there.

Some of her own bones had broken under the weight of the cement, her body weak from the Kryptonite, but it had been nothing mention worthy compared to the injuries Lena had suffered.  
And then the damn car had exploded and there had been smoke and fire and that awful scream that still gave Kara chills and haunted her in her dreams. The scream that had escaped Lena's lips as the flames had started to eat away at her body.

What should have been their beginning had ended in tragedy and Kara couldn't, she just couldn't go back to being a hero.  
Lena might have “only” lost her leg and part of her skin, but she had lost part of herself. It felt as if Supergirl had died that day, burned by the knowledge that she hadn't been able to protect the woman she loved.

Kara dropped to her knees, overwhelmed by her memories and the hurt they caused, while fresh tears spilt from her eyes.  
She didn't know what to do, didn't know how to move on, but she realised now that she had to find a way to deal because one thing was certain – she couldn't lose Lena.

\-------------

Lena sat on the kitchen floor, leaning against the kitchen island, surrounded by a sea of shards, both glass and marble, while she tried to understand what had happened.

Why on earth had she pushed so much? Kara had told her to stop, her tone almost begging, and she had kept going at her and she didn't know why. Well, that wasn't true.  
They had needed to let it all out, all the pent-up emotions, but not like that.

It had started with a tiny sparkle of annoyance, but it had turned straight into a wildfire, that had left nothing, but wasteland.  
Would they ever recover from this nightmare?  


She had half-expected Kara to go straight out of the window and take off into the night sky like she had seen Supergirl do so many times, but no. Kara had run out of the apartment as if the devil himself would have been after her and it dawned on Lena that the situation was worse than she had thought, that Kara's scars ran a lot deeper than she had imagined.

What a mess she had created with her outburst. It hadn't been her intention, not at all.  
She had wanted Kara to stop coddling her, yes, but most of all she had wanted to encourage Kara to get her life back and it had backfired spectacularly.

It was late and she was worn out, but too worried about Kara to sleep. She needed to know that Kara was “okay”, she needed to see her lying on the couch in the living room before she could even think about going to bed and so Lena struggled to get back to her feet, which almost resulted in her falling over, right into the shards, but she managed in the end.

She grabbed her phone, which was thankfully right there at the kitchen island because her left leg was too wobbly to walk on at the moment.  
She was trembling as a whole if Lena was honest because it still took a lot out of her to move her body with only one leg and a tricky prosthetic, especially since her hip still gave her trouble at times although it had more metal in it than she cared to remember.

_'Kara, I'm so sorry. Please come back. I need you.'_

She had typed and sent the message before she could have changed her mind because Lena was usually too proud to admit that she needed something or someone, but this was Kara and...it was Kara. Period.

Lena caught sight of a glass shard, that was stuck on her black jeans, mid-calf, but it was on the side where her prosthetic was, so no damage could have been done.  
She bent down to take it off and the next thing she knew was that she was bleeding.

Drops of red liquid painted a dreadful picture of the evening and underlined the significance of its events on the white tiles of her kitchen floor and Lena couldn't help, but stare.  
She didn't care about the cut on her index finger, but it brought back the horror of that fateful day and how Kara could have died. How she had almost lost her and it finally dawned on her how bad Kara must feel. She had been there too after all.  
In that moment Lena wished that Kara would be there to coddle her, but she was alone and she feared that, after a past full of loneliness, she had ensured the same deal for her future.  
And then everything went black.


	5. Supergirl 2.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Hey everyone,_  
>  _I apologise for the delay. Real life threw me for a bit of a loop. Nothing serious, but life got in the way and_ _super hectic._  
>  _Anyway...here is the next chapter._
> 
>  _And a quick shoutout to **Nikita, Shachar & Medusa** \- my incredible dogs, who always look out for me and make_ _sure I get the rest I need. That I take the breaks I need to relax and breathe and recharge. They are_ _my heroes_ _and my best friends._

**I** need you.

That had been all it had taken to send Kara flying.  
She had rushed back to Lena's apartment at a dizzying speed and thank Rao she hadn't hesitated because had she bolted through the door a few seconds later Lena might have split her head in two by hitting the kitchen island.  
Instead, Kara had caught her mid-fall, but it had been a close call. A really, really close call.

She had panicked for a moment, but then she had focused on Lena's heartbeat and she had realised that Lena must have passed out from the stress because Kara was well aware that Lena was far from being fine. They both were.  
She had rushed Lena over to the bedroom, where she was sitting now, back leaning against the headboard, Lena cradled against her chest, humming a Kryptonian lullaby of which she barely remembered the lyrics, but the melody helped to calm her nerves.

She thought about calling Alex, but before Kara could make up her mind Lena blinked her eyes open and Kara let out the breath she hadn't even been aware of holding.

“Kara?”  
Lena sounded exhausted and relieved at the same time and Kara pulled her even closer, careful not to hurt her, “I'm here. I've got you.”

“I'm sorry.”  
It sounded so fragile as if Lena were to break at any moment, shattering in Kara's very arms like the glass had on the kitchen floor earlier that night. 

Kara ran her fingers through Lena's hair, ultimately moving a strand out of her face, “I'm sorry too. We'll talk tomorrow. Right now you need some rest, okay?”

Lena agreed with a small nod, “But I need to lie down or my hip will kill me in the morning.”

“Of course.”

Kara had them floating in the blink of an eye, moving them off the bed and her own feet to the ground. She sat Lena down on the edge and looked at her worriedly, afraid that Lena might pass out again, but nothing happened.  
Lena just sat and stared at her legs as the seconds ticked away until Kara realised that Lena's hands were shaking and she dropped to her knees instantly, “Let me help you.”

As soon as Kara looked at Lena she saw the conflict in green eyes, she recognised how Lena was struggling for words. She reached out her hand, palm up, giving Lena a choice, because she didn't want to spook her.  
Lena studied her for a moment before she interlaced their fingers and Kara smiled, “It's okay. Just tell me what to do...unless you aren't comfortable with me seeing...”

“I trust you.”

Three words.  
For some, they would be just words, but for Kara it was the words that made all the difference. She could feel it in every fibre of her being that something changed within her.  
Hearing Lena say that after everything that had happened, after everything she had done, it meant the world to her. It meant everything to her.

“I...”, she wanted to say something, she really wanted to, but she was so overwhelmed and Kara needed a moment to calm herself before she finally managed to rasp out a coherent sentence, “Just tell me how it's done.”

Lena instructed her to move her loosely fitting sweatpants up her leg, up her prosthetic leg, which Kara did, slowly and carefully, until the whole prosthesis was visible.

“They are working on building me a proper bionic leg in my lab”, Lena said and sounded almost apologetically.

Kara nodded, “Will it help you to walk better?”

“I hope so. Push the button on the socket, please.”

Kara did as she was told, not knowing what the point of it was, but as soon as the valve opened air flowed in and the suction between the socket and the liner was broken and Kara could take off the prosthetic leg.  
She put it on the floor and Lena told her to take off the liner, which was currently covering her stump to protect the skin, but also to connect it with the socket of the prosthetic leg.

Kara started to pull it down slowly, worried that she would hurt Lena, but she didn't even flinch. And then the liner came off and revealed the huge scar that was all that was left of Lena's leg and Kara noticed how Lena couldn't look at her anymore, how she was fighting to keep the tears from falling, and it left Kara helpless, because she was in way over her head.

Her guilt threatened to swallow her whole, but she had to be strong for Lena this time. She had to.  
She put her hand on Lena's thigh, her touch soft and gentle on the bare skin, but effective all the same as Lena's eyes met hers all of a sudden.  
At least she had managed to get Lena's attention. Now if only she could find the right words.

“I think I told you before...but I'll tell you again every day for the rest of your life if I have to, Lena...you are still beautiful. You are also the bravest person I know...the strongest. And I...”

_I love you._

It was hanging in the air between them, but Kara knew this was not the time, nor the place. She wasn't ready, Lena wasn't ready. Maybe...one day.

“I see you, Lena Luthor. I see the beauty within you. I always have. And your scars can't change that. Won't change that.”

A single tear made its way down Lena's cheek then, “You promise?”

Kara smiled at her, warm and sincere, as she wiped the tear away with her thumb, never breaking their gaze, “I promise.”

She got back to her feet, ready to turn in for the night and claim her spot on the couch, but Lena grabbed her hand quickly and stopped her from moving, “Could you...could you stay with me tonight?”

Kara nodded, but she dashed off none-the-less, only to reappear a few seconds later in her blue flannel pyjamas. She helped Lena to lie down before she did the same, careful to give her some space, but she wouldn't have needed to do that as Lena pulled her closer instantly.  
Kara saw that she struggled to get comfortable, so she wrapped her arm around Lena's shoulders and rolled her onto her side, the uninjured one, allowing Lena to snuggle against her, her head resting on Kara's chest, her arm on Kara's stomach.

When Kara tried to pull one of the blankets over them Lena shook her head, “Cape.”

For some reason it made her smile instead of wince. It was the first time that her heart didn't ache so much when she thought about her Supergirl days while she pulled the cape out from under the blanket and draped it over them both awkwardly with only one arm to use. Thank Rao for her super strength and movements.

“Good night, Kara.”  
It was barely a whisper as Lena was already dozing off.

Kara put a kiss to her forehead and took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she would be able to sleep with Lena so close, but at the same time she felt so warm and safe and apparently so did Lena.  
And before Kara knew it they were both fast asleep, her cape protecting them both.

\-------------

It was the first night without nightmares in months.  
That was the first thing Lena registered when she woke up in the morning.

She felt lighter, happier. She felt home.  
And then she realised that she was still lying in Kara's arms and she smiled. It only lasted a moment till the memories from the night before came back, but she decided to have hope.  
They could work through this, they would work through this.

Kara stirred only minutes after Lena had woken up, instantly aware that Lena was still beside her, Lena's arm wrapped around her waist and although she dreaded their conversation she knew, deep down, that things would be fine, albeit hard work.  
They had a long journey ahead of them.  


\-------------

Kara had showered and gotten ready in record time and had made breakfast while Lena had taken a shower of her own.  
She was walking on crutches when she entered the kitchen, the prosthetic leg not in its place yet. 

Once they were both seated Kara pointed to her own leg, “Does it hurt? I've read about phantom limb pain...”

Lena shook her head, “No. But wearing that thing isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes I just give my leg and hip some rest and use my crutches.”

“That makes sense. Did you ever have that...that phantom pain thing?”

“I did. And let me tell you...it's no fun. Maggie was there at the time...she stabbed me with a kitchen knife because I was almost losing my mind.”

Kara's fist slammed down on the table and a crack could be heard, “Maggie what? And...I'm sorry about the table.”

Lena chuckled, “Happens when your roommate is the Girl of Steel I suppose...and don't get mad. She only stabbed my prosthesis. It helped...it grounded me.”

“Oh...okay”, Kara dropped her head, “I'm so sorry I wasn't there.”

“You're here now.”

They sat in silence for a while before Kara surprised them both by addressing the elephant in the room head-on, “I know we need to talk...but let me say something first.”

Lena nodded and gestured for her to go on.

“I need you to know...I need you to understand...that...that I'm not here because I think you are weak. Or a charity case. I'm not here because I think I owe you...well, I mean...I do owe you...but that's not...I'm here...because I want to be here...it's my choice to be here...I really need you to understand that, Lena. There's no place on earth I'd rather be...than here...with you.”

She met Lena's gaze then and held it to show that she was sincere.

“I believe you.”

A smile that could have put the sun to shame appeared on Kara's face, “Good. I'm glad.”

“I think I'm looking into going to therapy”, Lena admitted and Kara stopped eating, “You mean like...a shrink?”

The thought had not crossed Lena's mind for the first time, but the events of last night had shown her that she really needed help, that she couldn't go on like that, “Yes.”

Kara took a sip of her orange juice, “Well, I think...you know...it sounds like a good idea.”

“You could come with me...if you wanted to”, Lena suggested carefully, hoping that she wouldn't be pushing too far again.

Kara seemed to be conflicted for a moment, but then she smiled, “I would need to fabricate a story...because I can't just tell a shrink I'm...you know...but I think I'd like that.”

She really had grown up, hadn't she?  
She was sitting here, having breakfast, which she had made, with Lena, making grown up decisions about her future. Then again Kara was well aware that she had to be reasonable about this because everything else was destructive as she had proven only yesterday.

“I can help you with that...and then we can set up an appointment. Sound good?”, Lena made sure to check again because she didn't want to make the decision alone.

“Sounds perfect”, Kara nodded and bit into her toast, “I've been thinking about going to see James while I made breakfast. Maybe he has a job for me.”

Lena smiled, “Excellent idea. You were one of CatCo's best reporters...he'd be stupid if he wouldn't take you back.”

“Oh no. I don't want to be a reporter anymore. I want a job where I can... finish at a decent hour...pick you up from work...have dinner with you”, Kara stated and Lena was speechless for a moment.

“Kara...you don't have to do that. I can take care of myself...and there's always my employees...or...I can get you a job at L-Corp and...”

But Kara only shook her head vehemently, “I get that it's important for you to have your freedom...to be independent...so...us working together...not gonna happen...besides...if you think I'd take your money you are mistaken. That's the last thing I want.”

“I know that Kara...but you'd be working for it. Then again...I think you are right...if we work together and live together...it might be too much”, Lena thought about it while she kept chewing and came to the conclusion that Kara was right. It would be a horrible idea.

Kara took her hand and squeezed it, “I'm not only doing this for you. I'm doing this for myself as well. I barely had any time to myself back in the day...and it almost tore me down more than once...I need this...at least at the moment...maybe...one day I'll feel like going back to reporting...but right now I need something different...something stable...I need some sort of order in my life...it's been chaos for too long.”

“I get that.”  
Lena did. She knew how much pressure Kara had been under and it was probably a good idea for Kara to take it slow for a while.

“And once I've got another job I'll get myself a new place...and out of your hair.”

She had expected Lena to be relieved, but instead, Kara watched her face fall, “Or not?”

“Can we...let's postpone that conversation for a while...right now we should focus on getting better”, Lena suggested at last although it was nowhere near what she really wanted to say.

The truth was that she wanted Kara to stay, the mere thought of Kara leaving almost enough to give her a panic attack, but she knew she had to be patient. Only time could tell what the future had in store for them.

Kara on the other side was relieved that Lena didn't want her gone right away because she had no intention of going anywhere. If it would be up to her she'd stay forever.

\-------------

James had been glad to see her. He had also been surprised that Kara hadn't wanted her reporter job back. He had offered her an assistant position instead, but he had declined that too, which had been quite a shock, but then Kara had explained her reasons and shock had given way to understanding. He had been impressed as well.

The only other job available had been the one in the archive and he had initially thought that it would be too boring for Kara, but she had only smiled at him and had told him she would take it and they had decided to go to lunch together to celebrate, but then the news about a bomb at L-Corp had hit and Kara had taken off like a flash. Barry would have been proud of her had he been there to witness it.

\-------------

Alex was already there when she arrived and Kara was grateful for it, because she wasn't sure if she would have been able to stay calm otherwise.  
How the bomb had found its way into Lena's office was unknown at this point, but Kara didn't stay long enough to hear the theories because time was of the essence.

Since she had no supersuit and the countless reporters was surrounding the building she rushed to the staircase and all the way up to the floor of Lena's office before someone could try to stop her, not that they would succeed.

The corridor was empty, but there were voices coming from Lena's office. She didn't hesitate and burst through the door, only to bump into a guy from the bomb squad.

“Kara!”

Lena sat behind her desk, white as a sheet and Kara stopped dead in her tracks.  
That couldn't mean anything good.

“Where is the bomb?”

“Miss, you really need to get out of here...”

“No, you need to get out of here”, Kara countered, “Right now.”

The other guy, who had been studying the table, turned around, “I don't know who you are, lady...but that bomb is going to explode in less than three minutes and there's nothing we can do...well, that's not true...but it's a gamble.”

“No!”  
Kara knew she had to get rid of them and fast. That was when Alex entered the office, together with J'onn, telling the men to leave and that they would take over.

As soon as they were out of earshot Kara turned to Lena, “It's just one bomb, right?”

Of course she had scanned the room as soon as she had entered and had spotted it under the table right away, but she had to be sure. She was so worked up and she didn't want to make another mistake. Another mistake that would cause Lena harm.

“Just one.”

Kara nodded, “J'onn, I need you to distract the reporters...the ones with the helicopters especially.”

“You've got it.”

“Alex, get Lena to the DEO. I'll meet you there.”

She turned to face Lena again, “I'm sorry.”

“About what?”

Kara grabbed the table and started to float, “Your window.”

The next thing they knew was the sound of glass breaking and shards flying and then Kara was gone, together with the table and the bomb.

\-------------

She had managed to fly out to the desert, where the bomb had exploded without causing any damage, but Kara was furious.  
Who tried to kill Lena and why? Was it Cadmus? Unlikely.  
Of course Kara had her suspicions, but she hoped that she was wrong.

She really had to talk to Alex or J'onn and so she had taken off to the DEO, where a certain trio was already waiting for her. Apparently the Martian had taken them there.

Before she could have said anything Lena had pulled her into a tight hug, still visibly shaken and Kara vowed to herself to end this madness.  
Lena needed peace and silence to get better and not this. It had to stop.

“Are you okay?” 

Lena nodded, but Alex cut her off before she could have said anything else, “I'd like to check her through none-the-less. How about you?” Alex eyed Kara closely, daring her to lie, but Kara wasn't worried as nothing was wrong with her, “I'm good. I just need to talk to Winn and J'onn for a moment. I'll be right back.”

\-------------

Alex led Lena to the medical bay and Kara followed J'onn to the control room, where Winn was typing away at his computer until he caught sight of her.

“Kara! It's so good to have you back!”

She smiled at him, but then she turned to J'onn, “They are targeting her because of me, aren't they?”

J'onn remained stoic, his facial expression giving nothing away, “I'm afraid so. We found a letter in the mail...that stated that the bomber wants revenge...because Miss Luthor made Supergirl disappear.”

Kara sighed and dropped her head, “Why now? I mean nothing happened all these months...and now...”

Winn winced at her comment and her eyes grew wide, “What is it?”

“There have been countless threats against Lena and L-Corp ever since...you know. But it's never been that bad. And nobody has gone after her before...trying to physically hurt her...maybe it's because of L-Corp's upcoming launch of new inventions”, Winn stated matter-of-factly.

Kara was quiet for a while, internally debating her options, until her mind was set, “Well, they leave me no choice.”

Bouncing in his chair and clapping excitedly Winn smiled in triumph, “Does that mean you're coming back for real?”

Kara met J'onn's waiting gaze, determination written all over her face, “I have two conditions.”

He nodded, “Name them.”

“I'm not working crazy hours again. Lena needs me and I can't...it will burn me out and I'm not fine. I need time. Time to work through everything that has happened...you only call me in emergencies...not because you are too lazy to deal with problems yourself. And...”, she turned to Winn then, “I want a new suit.”

“Consider it done, Supergirl. And welcome home”, J'onn actually smiled, which was rare occurrence, and Kara allowed him to hug her, revelling in the feeling of being united with her friends.

Winn typed hectically and rambled at the same time, his eyes sparkling with joy, “A new suit...that's awesome. I've already got a thousand ideas...you'll be a completely new version of yourself...like...you're going to be Supergirl 2.0.”


	6. Suspicions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hey everyone,_   
>  _two things - real quick._
> 
> _I'm sorry for the delay. I pulled a bit of a stunt the other day and I did hit my head (well, I'm not Lena and I_ _have no Supergirl at hand to rescue me). Nothing dramatic, just a cut. Got it glued and so on, but I felt a little_ _under the weather and yeah. That was that._
> 
>  _And the other thing - I know a lot of you have certain expectations when it comes to Kara's new suit and I'm_ _pretty sure I won't meet half of them. Just a fair warning._
> 
>  
> 
> _Anyway. On with the story..._

**A** lex had driven Kara and Lena back to L-Corp once Lena had been cleared.  
Maggie had already waited for them in front of the apartment, much to Alex' and even Lena's delight.  
Kara on the other hand, as much as she liked Maggie, had felt a bit unsettled by her presence.

It wasn't jealousy per se, but it was challenging to watch Lena and Maggie be so at ease, so at home with one another.  
It hurt.  
Back in the day it had been hers and Lena's thing, and only theirs, because everyone else had doubted Lena, had judged her without knowing her. Having this friendship had felt exclusive, had made Kara feel special and cherished in a way she had never felt before and seeing Lena smile at Maggie now, well, it hurt.  
Of course she was glad that Lena had made friends, but it also reminded her of what she had missed out on, reminded her that all of this had happened, because she had abandoned Lena and it made Kara's heart heavy once again.

Maggie and Lena were sitting on the couch, talking in hushed voices and Kara was so tempted to listen in, but she restrained herself and went into the kitchen to make tea instead.

“They are talking about the launch and about people, who could be behind the attacks”, Alex stated as she appeared next to Kara, who almost jumped, “I didn't. I...”

Alex put her hand on her sister's shoulder, “You don't have to say anything, Kara. I know you.”

“It's a lot to take in”, Kara admitted weakly, “I just need some time to adjust.”

“Of course. Are you sure you are ready to return to the DEO and to being Supergirl? I mean you've struggled so much”, worry was written all over Alex' face, but Kara nodded, “It's not what I wanted. Not initially. But I guess it's what I need. And let's be realistic. I can't protect Lena as Kara Danvers. Plus I would give my identity away eventually. So yeah, I think it's the best thing I can do.”

“You've got a point there, Kara, but take it easy and let me know if you don't feel comfortable. If you need help. J'onn told me what you said to him and I agree. Everyone has gotten so used to having you around that we got lazy. I promise we'll do better in the future”, Alex bumped her shoulder against Kara's in encouragement, expecting her sister to smile as she usually did, but nothing happened, simply because Kara was lost in thought.

“Kara?”

Alex eyed her sister warily. She was well aware that Kara was far from fine, but in that moment she seemed even more off than usual, but then Kara turned to face Alex all of a sudden, “When is the launch at L-Corp?”

“On Friday. Why?”

Kara nodded, “Will you be there?”

“Of course. It's not really DEO business, but I talked to J'onn. Our agents will be present”, Alex assured.

“We need to keep Lena safe. Nothing can happen to her. Nothing”, Kara was glad that Maggie and Lena were so engrossed in their own conversation that they didn't pay attention to her and Alex.

Alex squeezed Kara's shoulder once again, “I know.”

“All this covering things up has been a huge mistake. Why on earth did you let this happen, Alex? Why has the DEO not given a statement that she is innocent?”

“Because”, Alex took a deep breath, “You know how lucky you were that your identity wasn't discovered that day? We only managed to get you away from there before anyone saw you because J'onn and one of our agents were basically round the corner, on the way back to the DEO, when Henshaw appeared and all the people fled the scene when the debris started to fall. Otherwise everything would have gone to hell.”

“I'm aware of that, Alex, but, I mean”, Kara adjusted her glasses, “When the media started to spread the rumours that Lena wanted to kill Supergirl something should have been done.”

“Yeah, I know. The thing is that Winn hacked all the surveillance cameras and the phones of all the witnesses and we cleared all evidence that you were there. And what could we have said anyway without giving away that you, Kara Danvers, are Supergirl? Because how would we have explained that Lena got almost killed and you ended up without a scratch? We couldn't have let them know that you were there, that is the problem”, Alex rubbed her neck, “And besides. Lena told us not to say anything.”

Kara's eyes went wide, “What? Why would she do that?”

“Because she knew it would keep you and your identity protected. And we need to consider that Cadmus has figured out who you are as Hank Henshaw attacked you in broad daylight, carrying Kryptonite. And when you think about it”, Alex made sure that she had Kara's attention, “Lillian must have assumed that Lena had no clue that you Supergirl since she, you know, protected you risking her own life. Which kept her kind of "safe" as well. I doubt that woman would have taken it too well that her daughter is best friends with a Super after she lost Lex thanks to Clark. Well, at least that's what Lillian is thinking.”

“I never thought about that”, Kara admitted, “But what I'm thinking about is...what if Cadmus is behind the recent attacks on Lena? I mean Lillian was hellbent on getting her to join Cadmus. And Lena got hurt, because of me. Together with the attacks from, what we assume to be “normal” civilians, who simply hate her for being a Luthor and for getting rid of, well...me, Lillian might have seen her chance.”

Alex needed a moment to process all of this, “You mean that they are behind the attacks to make Lena see how unwanted she is in this city once again? So she will finally turn on everyone and join Cadmus?”

Kara's voice was a whisper now, “They've lost two of their main locations. The L-Corp technology would come in handy, don't you think? And Cadmus hasn't been active in a while, probably lurking, plotting. Waiting for an option. I mean you said it yourself. Lena received threats via mail and such things, but nobody went after her before. Why now? And the launch can't be the reason because the newest inventions are going to help so many people.”

When Alex didn't say anything Kara added, “And if it is true that Lillian knows who I am it's only a matter of time till they'll strike again. Surely Lillian has heard by now that I am back in town. She has spies everywhere and she won't be thrilled that Lena and I...”

“That you are living together?”  
It dawned on Alex that the situation could be way more dangerous than she had thought, “You are right. Knowing Lena she will not call off the launch...”

“Damn right I won't”, Lena growled from the couch, “What is going on?”

Of course she had heard that.  
Kara wasn't one to curse, but she couldn't stop herself from mumbling “shit”.

“We were just thinking that it might not be safe to do the launch considering the circumstances”, Alex stated, her voice steady and professional, and Kara was glad that her sister, the well-trained agent, had answered because she would have been a rambling mess.

“You can't live in fear”, was Lena's only comment and Kara had to smile at the memory.  
What a crazy stunt that had been at that gala. Going back and forth between being Kara and Supergirl. What had she been thinking?

The tea she had made was cold by now, so Kara used her heat vision to warm it back up before she made her way over to the couch and handed one mug to Lena. She offered the other one to Maggie, who declined with a wave of her hand, “It's been an eventful day. I think you guys can do with some rest and I've got work to do.”

“So do I”, Alex chimed in and walked over to Maggie, who had just gotten up.

Kara walked them to the door, hugged Alex and after a second of hesitation Maggie as well, “Thank you for being there for Lena when I, when I couldn't.”

“Anytime, little Danvers. I know how much she means to you.”  


\-------------

Kara and Lena had spent the rest of the day cuddled up on the couch, watching comedies to keep the mood light before Kara had helped Lena to get ready for bed.  
And somehow they both had ended up lying in bed together again, like the night before, but neither Kara nor Lena found the courage to talk about what it meant.

“My mother is behind all of this, isn't she?”

The question came out of nowhere and Kara wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. Lena shouldn't have to deal with this. Not again. Rao, she shouldn't have had to deal with it to begin with.  
What could she possibly say? There was no proof. It was all just speculation at this point.

“It has to be”, Lena continued and Kara tensed, “Why? What makes you think that?”

“Who else could have pulled it off? Bringing a bomb into the building, unnoticed. Henshaw managed to do it once, he could have done it again. We added up on the security system after that incident. I doubt that some random stranger could have gotten past it”, Lena explained her logic, which made a lot of sense. Unfortunately.

Kara took Lena's hand, which was resting on her waist, and squeezed it gently, “It is a possibility we need to consider. But no matter what happens, I promise you, this time I will keep you safe.”

“It's not me you should be worried about, Kara. They'll come for you. That bomb might have been nothing, but a test.”

She was confused now. What was Lena talking about?  
“A test?”

Lena sighed, “I entered my office after my meeting and nothing was out of the ordinary. I sat down behind my desk and started reading and signing papers. Nothing. I think I must have been working for an hour at least before I heard a click, followed by a beep. So if you ask me somebody used a remote to activate that bomb.”

“And you think that they used it to bait me, to draw me out, show myself again?”, Kara's mind was racing. She really needed that new suit.

“My mother has to know that you are back in town and since she isn't stupid she'll know exactly who you are. I think she knew even back then. She might have done it to confirm her suspicions that we are still close, which means you are in danger, Kara. You should probably go back to...”

Before Lena could continue Kara put her index finger to her lips and stopped her from talking, “I'm not going anywhere. Not this time. Your mother doesn't scare me. Well, she does, but not enough to leave you.”

“Kara.”

“No, Lena. I'm not going. If your mother really is behind all of this I will stop her. This time she won't get away.”  
The determination in Kara's voice was unmistakable and it surprised them both.

Lena pulled the cape tighter around her then and buried her nose in the crook of Kara's neck, “I believe you.”  


\-------------

The next few days went by quickly with Lena being busy at L-Corp and Kara trying to get a hang of her new job.  
While it wasn't the most exciting occupation on the planet to file away all kinds of things for the better part of the day Kara found joy in the routine none-the-less. It would help her balance out her Supergirl duties way better than the hectic reporter job. She could come and go unnoticed plus she wouldn't be under so much pressure and that could only be an advantage.

She had talked Alex into some combat training as well and taken the opportunity of being at the DEO to check on Winn and the progress on her suit.  
Winn had initially wanted to build her an armor, but she couldn't wear that under her normal clothes, so it had been out of the question and she had something else in mind.

What Kara had loved the most about her week had been the moments she had spent with Lena. They had eaten breakfast together every morning and most days even dinner, they had shared some great conversations about everything and nothing and it had helped to rebuild the friendship they once shared. And every night Kara had ended up in Lena's bed, holding the woman in her arms, her cape shielding them from the world outside. It had felt like nothing, but bliss.

Thankfully there had been no more attacks on Lena, but Kara knew it was only a matter of time and she hoped she would be ready this time. Cadmus wasn't as strong anymore as it once had been because some members had gotten arrested over the last months, locations had been raided and destroyed, but Lillian and Hank Henshaw were still out there and they couldn't be underestimated.  


\-------------

Lena was a bundle of nerves Friday morning although she would never admit it, but Kara had seen right through her.  
It was L-Corp's first launch since Henshaw's attack and Lena had avoided the public whenever it had been possible since. Not just because people blamed her, but also because of her appearance and Kara promised that she would be there to support her. It broke her heart to see Lena so insecure because Kara knew how confident she had been before all of this.  
It really wasn't fair.

Alex and Maggie came to pick Lena up and as soon as the three women were out of sight Kara took off as well, not to work though as everyone had expected, but to the DEO.  
Winn was already waiting for her, bouncing in excitement upon her arrival and Kara had to smile. She was so grateful for Winn and their friendship. He was such a vital part of her life and she was glad that they had gotten over all of the hurdles of the past, whether it was unrequited affections or the Guardian thing.

And then she saw her new suit and she was speechless. It was better than she could have ever imagined. She hoped Clark wouldn't feel offended, but she really had to be her own person. She had to get out of his shadow and be her own hero, even if it sounded stupid.

“Come on, get dressed”, Winn clapped his hands, “Or do you want to be late?”  


\-------------

Kara looked at her reflection in the mirror and a feeling of pride spread in her chest. Her new suit was different, but she loved it.  
It made her feel closer to her parents, closer to Krypton. 

Alex had mentioned once that they had found the hideout of Astra, Non and their followers during a raid, but she hadn't known that her aunt had left anything behind, but according to Winn she had.  
Thanks to Astra she had a new, a better suit now. One made of Kryptonian fibre, which meant it was pretty much indestructible. 

It was the same majestic blue as her mother's and Astra's had been. It looked almost the same with the difference that her family crest was covering most of her chest again and it lacked the turtle neck because she needed to be able to wear it under her clothes. The skirt was gone, and thank Rao it was, as it had been so impractical in combat, and she preferred pants anyway. Her cape and boots were the same dark shade of blue as well and while some would think her new suit boring Kara loved it.  
She finally looked like the last daughter of Krypton and it made her feel content.  
The biggest change was that the family crest, both of them actually, the one on her chest and the one on her cape, were framed with this neon blue material that would protect her from Kryptonite. She wasn't sure what it was, because Astra had never told her, and Winn hadn't been able to provide information on that either, but she didn't care. It would give her the advantage she needed when it would come to fighting Lillian and Hank Henshaw. She would bring them to justice for good this time. 

Kara entered the control room and pulled Winn into a bone crushing hug, “Thank you so much!”

“Kara, I can't breathe”, he wheezed out while he tried to wriggle out of her embrace.

“Sorry.”  
She let go of him instantly, “Did I hurt you?”

Winn took a few deep breaths before he shook his head, “No. I'm good. You like it then?”

“I love it!”

He smiled proudly, “Blue really is your colour.”

“Thank you.”  
Kara turned around, ready to take off, but Winn's voice made her stop, “Kara, are you sure about this? You should have probably told them that you would show up as, well, Supergirl.”

She looked over her shoulder, determination written all over her face, “I am ready. Don't worry, Winn. I've got this.”  
And then she dashed off like the heroine she once had been.  


\-------------

L-Corp conference room was crowded with people.  
The building had been scanned for bombs and for any other unwanted device three times in the morning and one last time only minutes before the doors had opened to reporters and the public.

Armed guards were basically everywhere in the building and Alex was glad that J'onn had agreed to send agents as well.  
Why Lena had decided to make the launch accessible for everyone was something she didn't understand. It should have been reporters only as it would have been a lot easier to overlook, to keep the things under control. And to keep Lena safe.  
But the Luthor heiress had been bold and had gone out of the usual way to prove herself since day one. Alex just hoped it wouldn't backfire.

J'onn was outside, keeping his eyes open in case Hank Henshaw would appear and Maggie was with Lena, who hadn't spoken in public since the incident.  
And God only knew where Kara was because she should have arrived by now.

The intro started to play on the big screens that had been put up everywhere and scientists talked about bionic limbs, myoelectric sensors and how they got implanted into residual muscle tissue, about signals travelling between nerve endings and the brain.  
It was a fascinating process, Alex had to admit that and she was glad that there was so much progress in that department because it would make life so much easier for all the amputees out there one day.

Alex noticed that the audience watched with fascination as some people talked about their experiences with the new bionic limbs while L-Corps leading scientists and engineers entered the stage.

Once the short film was over the reporters started to ask all kinds of questions about the technology and Alex found the exchange to be quite interesting although bionic limbs were not a new invention by any means, but the new design and technic used by L-Corp was truly inspiring.  
Everything went smoothly and Alex assumed most civilians would be here for the buffet and the free drinks anyway, but then one reporter asked why Lena wasn't present and if the CEO planned to hide from the public forever.

Backstage Lena was fidgeting, because Kara was nowhere to be seen despite her promises that she would be there.  
She hated how insecure she was and how unsettled she was because of Kara's absence, but Lena was aware she couldn't wait any longer or the next PR disaster would hit L-Corp and she wasn't sure how much more of those she could take.

When she got up Maggie handed her the cane she despised, but needed, and made her way onto the stage.  
Wearing black slacks, a white button-down shirt and a matching black jacket had been a good decision, because most of her scars were covered properly, except for her neck and face. Lena was wearing proper makeup for the first time since the incident including her trademark red lipstick, because she hadn't wanted to give the press the satisfaction of seeing her dishevelled.  
Her hair was down, as it was most days as of late, in another attempt to hide away her burned skin, but Lena was aware that it didn't help all that much, as she limped forward.

People gasped as soon as they spotted her and then the flashes of cameras went off, blinding her as she made her way to her seat because standing for longer periods of time without something or someone to lean on was out of the question.

Countless questions from different reporters were fired off instantly, but she couldn't focus enough to hear one of them clearly, her eyes roaming the room, searching for Kara, but nothing.  
She spotted Alex, phone in hand, shaking her head at Maggie, who was standing next to her girlfriend now.

Jess came to her rescue in that moment and pointed out to the waiting people that Lena would answer questions, but only one at a time. Obviously.

“Miss Luthor, I would imagine your injuries were the main reason to start building new bionic limbs?”, was the first question asked in the end.

Lena took a deep breath, “I'm not gonna lie, so the answer is 'yes'. I'm glad we made the decision though because our research and inventions will help a lot of people in the future to be more independent and it will improve their life quality greatly.”

“What about the costs? Because the technology is expensive and not everyone can afford it.”

“L-Corp has put up a fund for amputees, who can't afford prosthetics or bionic limbs. Charity events will be held and we're also working with insurances right now to find a way to provide people with the help they need and deserve”, Lena explained patiently while another reporter stepped forward, “Do you deserve it, Miss Luthor? Of course you have the money to buy yourself what you want, but do you really deserve it? You've never talked about how you sustained those injuries.”

“There's nothing to say. It was an unfortunate incident that left me badly injured”, Lena answered calmly while Jess made her way over to her and whispered, “We can end this right now.”

But Lena only shook her head. She had to face the media at some point and she decided now was as good a time as any.

“An unfortunate incident. Interesting choice of words, Miss Luthor. Supergirl fled town afterwards. I'd say it was more than an unfortunate incident that has cost this city dearly because we would have needed her”, a female reporter barked out, “When will you ever take responsibility for your actions?”

Lena felt the tears burning behind her eyes, but she wouldn't break. Not in public. Not even now, especially not now.  
She wasn't proud to be a Luthor, but she had been raised as one. And cry she would not. Not in front of all these people.  
She was trying to come up with a diplomatic answer when she felt the shift in the air. It couldn't be.

But there she was.  
Kara.  
Well, not really.  
Supergirl in all her glory. Different suit, standing tall and confident and Lena was so relieved.

People started to talk hectically, but Kara only squeezed Lena's hand and smiled at her while everyone took pictures of her, but she couldn't care less.  
She was here for Lena and she would be damned if the press would treat Lena like a criminal for a second longer.

“Supergirl!”

“What kind of suit is that?”

“Where have you been?”

“Does that mean you are back, Supergirl?”

“Will Lena Luthor be brought to justice?”

Kara had let everyone ramble, had picked up only a few questions as she had tried to blend out all the voices, but the last question made her snap.  
She turned around, facing the people of National City, her voice strong, “Lena Luthor saved my life. I wouldn't be here today would it not be for this woman. She was brave enough to protect me and she paid for it dearly. This witch hunt stops now. Once and for all. She came to National City to make L-Corp a force for good. She has stayed true to her word all the way. She's not the enemy. She's my friend. She always has been.”

General disbelief could be seen on most faces while Kara heard a crackle in her ear, followed by J'onn's voice, “Supergirl, we've got a problem.”


	7. Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hello peeps,_
> 
> _only a few words on the delay. As I told you before I had already finished the story._  
>  _But, and here comes the but, while I was editing and doing the final touches on the next chapter I realised_ _that I wanted to go a little deeper into their emotions. So I started tweaking things, adding_ things here and _there and surprise, the story will not end with chapter 10._
> 
>  _The story is growing longer and I had to figure out how to fit it together and so on, so as of now it's a work in_ _progress again, hence the delay in updates. I hope that is okay with you._
> 
> _Much love to everyone xo_

**H** er sister must have heard it too via her earpiece as she sprung into action only a second later, Maggie right behind her, and both appeared on stage next to Lena within seconds.

“Take care of her”, was all Supergirl said before she took off to face the threat head on.  
It did no longer matter if she was ready or not because she was needed and if Kara was honest it felt good to be back, but she was scared out of her mind at the same time.

She saw him as soon as she was out of the building. J'onn was already fighting him.  
Hank Henshaw.

The sight stopped her mid-flight as flashbacks of Lena screaming and the smell of burning flesh hit her. Blood.

What had the therapist said?  
They had only seen him briefly the other day and he had suggested, while they had wanted to work through things together, to take separate sessions at first so they could get everything out without holding back in order to spare each other's feelings. It had made sense to her in the end, so they had agreed and their first proper sessions would be next week.  
Kara tried with all her might to remember the breathing exercises he had shown her to get a handle of herself in case she would panic.  
In and out. In and out.  
It took her a few moments to focus before she managed to take a few deep breaths and shake off the memories.  
Lena was safe. And she had to make sure it would stay that way.

\-------------

Alex and Maggie escorted Lena to the elevators and brought her up to her office.  
The whole floor was abandoned as everyone was at the launch and they had thought it smartest not to take her outside, considering that something was going on there.

“I'll head back downstairs to help with evacuating, okay?”, Maggie asked and Alex nodded in agreement while Lena turned on the TV in hopes of getting news about what was happening.

“I'll send some agents or security guys up...just in case.”  
And with that Maggie was gone.

\-------------

She wasn't on top of her game, that much was certain.  
Supergirl knew as much when she hit the concrete for the second time in a minute, leaving huge cracks in the road.  
The Green Martian and the Cyborg fought a battle of their own and she took a moment to study Hank Henshaw. Something about him was different, but she hadn't figured out what it was yet.

\-------------

Lena winced as she saw Supergirl fall live on screen, worry written all over her face.

“She'll be fine”, Alex stated, but didn't sound all that convinced, “Henshaw is not affected by much as far as we know and Kara hasn't, you know, used her powers in a while. But she's got J'onn.”

“She shouldn't have to fight him. She shouldn't have to fight anyone. She's not ready”, Lena countered and took a seat on the couch because she felt like her one good leg would give out on her any second.  
Alex sat down next to her and squeezed Lena's shoulder encouragingly, “Kara is far from being fine. You don't have to tell me that. I knew as soon as she left town all these months ago. I knew the first time I visited her in Midvale. And seeing her now...she's not the Kara she once was. That dorky, carefree attitude is gone and it might never come back.”

Lena dropped her head, “I know.”

“It's not your fault, Lena. You've experienced something very traumatic, the both of you”, Alex sounded calm and collected, but Lena didn't buy it.  
She was well aware that Alex would rather be out there, in what seemed to be a tough fight, than here with her, but she was glad that she was not alone.  
She had never dealt particularly well with loneliness, but it had gotten worse ever since Kara had left the city because, no matter whether she wanted to admit it or not, the truth was, life without Kara had been pointless. Her friendship and the warmth it had provided her with had become an instant addiction for Lena and she had craved it ever since the day they had first met. That was why she had felt so extremely lost, alone and cold, like she had been left in the dark when Kara had disappeared. As if all light would have vanished from her life and somehow it had. And now that Kara was finally back it was even worse. Now that she knew what it felt like to sleep in her arms, to have her near and within reach all the time the thought of being left behind again had become unbearable.

\-------------

She had managed to tackle the Cyborg to the ground, but Supergirl knew it was only temporary. A second or two and he would send her flying again and she was well aware that she would power herself out eventually.

J'onn was lying on the ground, struggling to get back to his feet and then she suffered a punch right against the skull and she did shoot through the air before she hit a lamp post with her back, the impact bending it as if it would be nothing, but a piece of wire.

“We need to separate him from his life force”, she yelled at J'onn, who finally stood and growled in acknowledgement, “Try your freeze breath on his eyes...if he'd be temporarily blinded, at least partially, we might get a chance to strike.”

But that was easier said than done.

\-------------

Maggie had called to let Alex know that the evacuation of the building was running smoothly, but that they had only barely managed to avoid a panic. Thankfully the security guards had been prepped well and once the first people had been able to leave via the staff entrance things had started to calm down. 

Lena's eyes were focused on the screen again, following the live footage from the CatCo helicopter while Supergirl and the Green Martian fought the Cyborg with little success.

“I think it was a mistake that we made her hide who she was for so long”, Alex admitted completely out of the blue and Lena eyed her in confusion, “What?”

“When Kara came to live with us my parents insisted that it would be better for her to hide her powers. And while Kara was a teenager that might have been true, but later on...I mean look at her. She's always been meant for this. And by making her hide her identity she had to hide a part of herself. We should have helped her hold the memory of Krypton high, should have taught her to embrace it. More than anything we should have helped her become the hero she always wanted to be instead of berating her for revealing herself to the world”, Alex admitted, “We held her back. I did too. I was so overprotective of her and then I met Maggie and she had to get used to being on her own overnight. It wasn't fair. I wasn't fair.”

“Care to tell me what brought this on 'cause I have to admit I'm a little lost here”, Lena eyed Alex warily.

“The suit. It's darker. She looks so serious. And I get it. I mean Kara has changed a lot ever since the incident. But that suit screams Krypton all over. It's not my place to tell, the stories about her family I mean, but I think wearing this new suit with this specific design, it makes Kara feel closer to her roots. She didn't really have much opportunity to talk about Krypton once she ended up here because she always had to fabricate stories about her family, her past. The truth has been twisted and turned around so many times to make it sound plausible on earth. To make it sound human”, Alex explained, “At the end of the day, she isn't human. She looks and she acts human most of the time when she isn't Supergirl at least, but she's Kryptonian and I wonder sometimes if we made her feel bad about that. Not intentional, but you know...”

Lena nodded in understanding, “She's an alien in a human world.”  
It was barely a whisper because it hit her like a freight train in that moment.  
It wasn't news to Lena that Kara wasn't from this planet, that she was a Kryptonian, an alien, but in that moment it finally sunk in what it meant.  
The monumental loss Kara had suffered, how hard it must have been to adjust to life here on earth, how hard it must have been to hide away her true nature, especially when her powers had kicked in.  
Walking by when tragedy had happened, ignoring it to keep her cover, to stay safe.  
How scared Kara must have been. How devastated. She hadn't just lost her parents, but almost all of her family. And her friends, her home. Her whole world.  
And ever since she had stepped into the light as Supergirl people had judged her. They had loved her when she had done good, they had hated and feared her when something had gone wrong and yet she had carried on saving them. Day after day.

\-------------

How they should beat the Cyborg Supergirl didn't know, but something had to give.  
She had faced him one too many times and she was worried about Lena. It was her first day back, but she really had enough of this. Of him.

“Supergirl, do you think you can manage to get him over to the docks?”

While she wasn't sure why J'onn asked her that, she was glad to know that at least one of them seemed to have an idea.

“I can try. Think you can knock him out for a second or two? That would certainly help.”  
She remembered how the Green Martian had managed to do it back in the days of the Medusa virus and considering that Cyborg Superman was so strong and hit so hard she hadn't managed to try her freeze breath on him yet.

Before she knew it the Green Martian had stricken and had sent the enemy flying, the Cyborg hitting the road so hard that the impact left a crater-like hole.

“Now, Supergirl! I'll be back.”  
And with that, he was gone and Supergirl grabbed the slightly disorientated Cyborg's leg and yanked him into the air, dashing off in a blur.

\-------------

Meanwhile Alex and Lena were both caught in their own thoughts after certain realisations had struck them, but it was Kara's sister who broke the silence in the end.

“I think I was too protective of Kara. We all were. She never got to figure out who she is growing up. And when she became Supergirl...I mean she always had the powers, but she knew she shouldn't use them. If the plane I was one wouldn't have been in trouble she might have never...and I can't stop thinking that we denied her that part of her...for so long. She might have had an easier time settling in if we would have allowed her to be who she is. But I think everyone always tried to keep her small...'cause, well, she is so strong. So powerful. The truth is she doesn't need anyone to protect her, she doesn't need anyone. Period”, Alex ran her hand through her hair, “But that's why what happened to you affected her so much, I guess.”

Lena looked at her in confusion, “I'm not sure I understand.”

“I never thought I'd say that, but Lena...she needs you. Because you see her. Not just Supergirl, not just the dorky reporter. You see Kara. You see the hero in her. Maggie told me that you have known that she was Supergirl for a while. Or rather suspected it. But it never made a difference to you. And she needs that. More than anything. Someone she can be herself with. Who supports her and believes in her...and I really screwed up in that department lately”, Alex admitted with a sigh, “We also failed to teach her how to deal with loss or how to handle failure. What happened to you...”

“Was not her fault”, Lena snapped, instantly on the defence and Alex raised her hands in surrender, “No, I know. But she must have felt so powerless in that moment and she isn't used to it. Yes, she lost her powers before, but she got them back in time to save people. She cares about you so much and she was lying there and couldn't do anything to help you. She was sent here to protect her cousin, to protect earth. To be a hero. And while she accomplished many tasks that had seemed impossible at the time, the one day it really mattered, to her, she couldn't.”

\-------------

Supergirl crashed into a shipping container for the third time in a row and she didn't know how much longer she cold keep going because she felt her powers beginning to fade.

Where the hell was J'onn?

She struggled back to her feet, glimpsed at the wrecked container and only managed to duck away in the last second before Hank Henshaw could have sent her flying again.  
God, would this battle never end?

She grew more aggravated by the second, the slowly rising anger sparking a fire within her. She shouldn't be here, she should be with Lena.  
Lena, who had been so brave today. Lena, who probably needed her right now.

The Cyborg lunged forward, but she jumped out of the way and rose into the sky to gather her momentum before she sped forward as fast as she could and hit him right in the chest, kicking him straight into the water. It wouldn't do much damage, but at least he would be gone for a moment and she could take a breath.  
A breath that she desperately needed.

And then she saw the pod. Mon-El's pod.  
J'onn.

It landed right beside her and The Green Martian got out, typed something into the board computer and looked at her in confusion, “Where is he?”

Supergirl nodded towards the water and watched J'onn scoff, “He didn't get away, did he?”

Before she could answer they heard how something, or in their case someone, shoot out of the water with a furious face and J'onn went to fight once again, well aware that it was Supergirl's first day back and she looked worse for wear by now.  
He blocked the next couple of Henshaw's strikes before he got a hold of the self-proclaimed Cyborg Superman and hurled him against another set of containers.

“I'll try to knock him out again. You need to use your freeze breath then”, the Green Martian yelled, not waiting for a reply.

He wasn't sure if they had managed to damage Henshaw, but the Cyborg seemed to struggle a bit. In fact he had been slower than usual since he had appeared. J'onn wasn't sure why, but his best bet was that Lillian had doctored around on him and something might not be one-hundred percent right. And that was their chance. Probably their only one.

His distraction got him two blows to the head and he growled angrily, his rage setting his last reserves of strength free, sending his fist forward, connecting it to Henshaw's chin with a vehemence that could have put Superman to shame.

Supergirl watched as the Cyborg's body got hurtled against the containers once again before one of them fell on top of Henshaw.

“Now!”, J'onn yelled before he stormed forward and ripped the container away and Supergirl instantly blew cold air at Cyborg Superman, effectively freezing his human eye closed while the lens of the other was covered in ice crystals, which seemed to confuse him greatly.

The Green Martian grabbed him, dragged him over to the pod and threw him inside and put a security belt in place.

“Can you damage the control panel enough so he can't change the course?”, J'onn watched Supergirl closely, who went to work right away, her heat vision short-circuiting the controller while Henshaw struggled to get his sight back.  
But it was too late as J'onn hit the button and the pod closed and started to rise into the sky, where it disappeared only a few moments later.

“Where did you send him?”  
She watched J'onn with interest and he laughed, “Straight towards the sun. It will melt him.”

“So he is really gone?”, Supergirl asked full of hope and J'onn nodded, “He is. And it was damn time.”

\-------------

Kara had wanted to go back to L-Corp, but J'onn had told her to get under the sunlamps because she didn't look good and while she hadn't been happy she had known that he was right.

He had promised to bring Lena to the DEO right away, but when he returned to L-Corp agents were roaming the building hectically and he knew that something had to be wrong.

He found Maggie kneeling in the CEO's office, next to an unconscious Alex, trying to shake her girlfriend awake.  
And Lena was gone.

\-------------

She felt dizzy.  
It was the first thing she recognised when she regained consciousness.  
That she was tied to a chair was the second.

Her memory was a blur.  
There had been a commotion outside her office and Alex had gone to check on it.  
Alex.

She managed to blink, but it wasn't enough to catch sight of her surroundings.  
Where was she? And what had happened?

She heard a door open and footsteps. 

Someone lifted her chin and she knew the face of the other person was only inches away because she could feel their breath on her skin.

She struggled till her eyes finally opened.  
Only to meet the cold and unforgiving gaze of her mother.

Lena winced, which didn't stay unnoticed by Lillian.  
It caused the woman to frown, disdain evident on her face, “So weak. Such a disgrace.”

She knew better than to let her mother's words affect her, but it still stung.  
“What do you want, mother?”

“I need access to the L-Corp labs. And your help. Your cooperation. And I need it now”, Lillian demanded, but Lena only shook her head, “Never.”

“I have no time to for your silly games. You will do as I say!”

Lena held her mother's gaze, saw the fury burning in Lillian's eyes and she answered calmly, determined not to give her mother the satisfaction, “No.”

“You foolish girl! Do you really think anyone in this city cares about you? Have you looked into the mirror lately?”

The thing about Lillian was that she knew about all of her insecurities and she knew exactly how to use them against her. She always had.  
And her mother had no mercy.  
If she found a spot that hurt, she'd claw at it and rip open. Made it bleed.  
That was why her soul was the battlefield it was. 

“Kara cares.”

Lillian openly glared at her before she spit out, her voice pure venom, “Supergirl.”

Lena closed her eyes.  
She had known that her mother was aware of Supergirl's identity, but hearing Lillian confirm it was another thing altogether. It sent a shiver down her spine.

“How can you choose her over your own mother? An alien. She lied to you...that's why you are this worthless thing you are now. She didn't even tell you who she was. Your precious Kara. Your friend, who didn't trust you enough to tell you who she was because you are a Luthor. Do you really think she likes you?”

God, it hurt.  
Every single word.  
And Lena caught herself wishing for her mother to inflict physical pain on her. She would be able to handle that, but this, this was a different kind of pain altogether. One that would hurt forever.

She watched her mother pace the room and Lena knew that it didn't matter what she would say or do because Lillian wouldn't let her go till she had what she wanted. And probably not even then.

“I knew.”

Her mother stopped dead in her tracks, “What do you mean...you knew?

“I knew that she was Supergirl the day your minion attacked her. What happened to me is not her fault. It is yours, mother.”  
She barked the words out without a care because she knew that Lillian wanted to destroy her, but she wouldn't go down without a fight. She was a Luthor after all.

“WHAT?!”  
Lillian slapped her without warning and with enough force to split her lip open.  
The taste of blood in her mouth was nauseating, but Lena tried to ignore it, “And I'd do it again.”

“You can't be serious! Look at you, Lena. You are defaced for life. You're a cripple! That alien isn't worth it.”

“Kara is worth everything.”

Lillian stopped dead in her tracks then, hit by realization, “Don't even think about it, Lena. I warn you. Think about what her cousin did to Lex. To your brother. You loved your brother.”

“But I hate what he has become! What you turned him into”, Lena fired back. She had to kill time. Give them a chance to help her. Kara would come for her.

Lillian's hands found their way around her wrists and their eyes met once again as her mother leant forward, “What would that alien even want with you, Lena? You're ageing way faster than she does. Look at her...young, strong, flawless. And so beautiful. And you? You're a monster. I've seen people run from you on more than one occasion. Do you really think a Super would ever want to be with a Luthor? With you? When you are the ugliest of us all?”

A stab straight to the heart.  
That's what it felt like.  
She was realist enough to know that things would never be the same again, that Kara would never, could never...but Kara was still her friend. That's what mattered.  
It would be enough.

“Help me or you will regret it”, Lillian hissed almost like a snake and Lena found it awfully fitting, “No.”

“Is that your last word?”

“Yes.”

A devilish smile spread on Lillian's face as she pulled a remote out of her coat pocket and she pushed a button unceremoniously, turning on the lights in the hangar they were in and Lena's eyes grew wide in horror.

Her mother bent down, her lips right next to Lena's ear, “Then, my child, it will be my pleasure to watch you kill each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _*ducks head*_
> 
> _I know you probably want to strangle me, but in my defence...it's always the darkest before the dawn._
> 
> _I'm not on tumblr that often as that thing really isn't my friend, but if someone wanted to come and say_ _'hi'...you can find me under http://chasingthewilddream.tumblr.com_
> 
> _I usually just share pics of my dogs though, so consider yourself warned. Or I reblog the occasional Supercorp_   
>  _stuff ;)_


	8. Darkest before dawn

**K** ara was frantic.  
She might be wearing her new super suit, but in this moment she was more human than she had ever been.  
As soon as she had caught sight of J'onn and a disorientated Alex, who had kept rubbing at her neck she had known.  
She had known that Lena was gone and that it must have been Lillian, who had taken her.

Alex looked more miserable than Kara had ever seen her and Winn was typing wildly on his computer in an effort to find something, anything really.  
Any form of suspicious activity that could hint at Lillian's whereabouts. And therefore Lena's.

J'onn was talking to Agent Vasquez, but Kara was too exhausted to listen in, her attention focused on the screen of Winn's computer while she prayed to Rao for a chance to save Lena.

“I'm so sorry”, Alex dropped her head, almost as if she would be ashamed, “I made such a beginner's mistake. I mean...when I heard that commotion in the corridor I should have, I should have stayed with Lena. I don't know why I decided to go outside and then, before I could even take in the sight, somebody injected something into my neck and I barely made it back to Lena's office before I blacked out. It's my fault, Kara. And I'm so sorry.”

“We should have known better. I should have known better by now”, Kara countered, “Of course she would send Hank Henshaw to distract us and it was clear, after the latest attack on Lena, that the building would get evacuated as a precaution. I should have seen it coming.”

Alex grabbed Kara's shoulders and turned her around so they would face one another, “None of this is your fault. None of it. The security footage showed that two men of the security staff took Lena. We expected her to have someone on the inside, that's why we checked every single employee for any connections to the Luthors or Cadmus and we came up empty. They had all been cleared. How could we have avoided it? You fought Henshaw and rid the world of him. And we'll find Lena. But you should get back under the sunlamps till then. You'll need your strength.”

\-------------

Lena stared at the war suit, the war suit Lex had designed years ago, and she felt the panic rising in her chest. 

“I've perfected it”, Lillian announced proudly, “I can control it with a remote now.”

God, no.  
Her mother couldn't be serious.  
But of course she was, Lena had no doubt about it. 

What should she do?  
What could she do?

The floor swung open in that moment and she recognised the men right away. Two of the security guards she had hired herself. The realisation caused her to wince because she had been so careful, had run so many background checks and she knew the DEO had as well and yet. And yet her mother had beaten her.

“Gentlemen, please help my daughter to get _dressed_.”

\-------------

Of course Kara hadn't listened and had kept standing right on the spot, on high alert, waiting for Winn to work his magic.

When his screen finally lit up with suspicious activity in three different locations she was ready to bounce.  
Lillian had made it quite easy for them as only one of the abandoned buildings was lead lined, so they had to be there.

“It's a trap”, Alex tried to hold her back, eyeing the room for J'onn, who had left at some point and she had no idea where he had gone.

“Of course it is. We're talking about Lillian”, Kara snapped and was hit by some sort of déjà-vu. She had leapt into the abyss that was Lillian Luthor once before and they had almost died that day. Her and Lena. Even J'onn.  
Not today.  
Today it would end. 

She straightened her spine and rose to full Supergirl height, chest proud, heart hammering as the adrenalin shot through her veins, “I'm sorry. I love you.”

Alex looked at her in confusion, but she dashed off anyway, hitting the button for the emergency lockdown of the DEO on the way out.  
It would take a while before anyone would be able to leave the building.

\-------------

“Mother, don't do this”, Lena tried to reason with Lillian while the two broad-shouldered men dragged her through the hangar.

“Be quiet”, Lillian barked out, “You've been a disappointment all your life. Always so desperate to get my approval. Now you can prove yourself. Prove that you are worthy of the Luthor name.”

Lena was staring at the ladder and Lillian's henchman had to have the same thought as one of them spoke up, “How are we supposed to get her up there. It's not like she could climb that ladder by herself.”

“I wouldn't. Even if I could”, Lena growled, causing her mother to give her an icy glare, but Lena couldn't be bothered.

She scanned her surroundings because she knew she didn't have much time. Her mother probably had a solution for that problem already, so she had to do something and she had to do it soon. Preferably now.

Lillian fished a bigger remote out of her other coat pocket and pushed some buttons, causing the suit to move and drop to its knees, the ladder falling away and sending a dull echo through the hangar as it hit the floor.

“Throw her into the suit for all I care”, she demanded coldly and Lena tried to wriggle out of the men's hold, but to no avail.

They had her in a death grip and it wasn't that she could run away anyway. She could barely walk properly without her cane, so what chance did she have?  
None.

She was about to accept her fate when the door burst open and revealed none other than Supergirl in all her furious glory and Lena sighed in relief.  
It only lasted for a second though because she dreaded her mother's reaction.

“Take her out!”, Lillian barked and the two men, Ronson and Humbert if she recalled correctly, let go of her abruptly, causing her to sway and almost lose her balance.

They drew the guns from their holsters and waited. For what no one knew, but it was their saving grace.  
Well, Kara's. Supergirl's. Probably even Lena's.

Lillian yelled for them to shoot, but their hesitation was all Supergirl had needed to melt one of the guns with her heat vision before the first shot was fired and she managed to dodge the bullet, not by much, but she did.  
It was the moment Lena realised that the bullets were made of Kryptonite and her eyes grew wide in horror. 

Three more shots were fired and Supergirl ducked away from two, but the third one grazed her neck, causing the heroine to wince because not even her suit could protect her from that injury.  
But thanks to her new suit the effect wasn't as strong as it used to be and she lunged forward, tackled the security guide, the traitor, to the ground and knocked him out cold with two well-placed punches to the chin.  
She blocked the attacks from the other one with ease before she hurled him against the wall. He bounced back and ended on the floor unconscious as well.

So far, so good.  
Unfortunately, Lillian had taken a stand right next to Lena and Supergirl wouldn't put it beyond that woman to hurt her own daughter.  
A plan.  
She needed a plan.

Still kneeling on the floor Supergirl realised that Lillian didn't know about the perks of her new suit and she figured that she could probably take advantage of it.  
An act.  
She had to put on a show for Lillian. She dreaded that it would worry Lena, but there was no other way.

She struggled to get up before she made it to her feet slowly, her hand touching the spot where the bullet had wounded her and she felt the blood on her fingertips.

“Supergirl, please...go!”, Lena begged, her eyes pleading and filled with tears, but Supergirl shook her head and met Lena's gaze.

_Trust me._

She couldn't say it, but she hoped Lena would understand anyway.

Supergirl took a staggering step forward while she prayed that she hadn't misjudged the situation. That she knew what to expect from Lillian Luthor by now.  
Turned out she was right.

Lillian pulled a chain from her neck and out from under her coat, revealing a piece of Kryptonite.

“Mother, don't!”, Lena was scared out of her mind because she couldn't watch her mother torture Supergirl. She couldn't watch her mother kill her. She couldn't lose her.  
Supergirl.  
Kara.

Lillian took a step forward, Kryptonite in hand, and Supergirl took a tentative step back, all the while praying that Lena's mother was too blinded by her hatred to catch on to the fact that her Kryptonite didn't work all that well this time.

Another step forward from Lillian, one backwards from Supergirl.  
A devilish glint in the eyes of Lena's mother, a fearful expression on the face of the heroine.  
God, Alex would be so proud of her for her flawless acting if she would be here now.  
Correction.  
Alex would probably kill her if she would be here now for locking them up at the DEO.

The memory made her stumble and she dropped to her knees, which was, as she thought about it, not half bad.  
Lillian came closer, slowly, moving like a predator and Supergirl sighed in relief when she saw that Lena was out of reach – for her mother. 

She could strike. She would strike.  
Lillian only needed to take another step. Probably two.  
But she didn't. She just stood, glared, disgust written all over her face.

Lena made a careful step, praying she wouldn't fall. Her hip ached, but she ignored it. She was determined to do something. She wouldn't stand by.

Supergirl caught the movement behind Lillian, who seemed to be perfectly oblivious.

“Our story ends today”, Lena's mother hissed.

“Something we can agree on”, Supergirl countered as she watched Lena make step after step till she stood in front of the war suit and she decided to give Lena a moment to do whatever she wanted to do.  
Things were under control as Lillian could never go after Lena faster than she could.

“I thought I made it perfectly clear that you should stay away from my daughter on more than one occasion now”, Lillian hissed and Supergirl steeled herself for what she knew was about to come, “But you and your entitlement thought you could disobey me. And now look at her. People run from her. She looks like a wreck, she is a cripple. And it is your fault.”

“I know”, denying it was pointless. Yes, Lillian had been behind the attack on her, but Lena and her, they both had been reckless, careless and she hadn't paid attention to their surroundings or she would have seen Henshaw earlier. She could have come up with an excuse, could have sent Lena away, but her head had been in the clouds, her declaration of love on her tongue and she had forgotten the whole world around her. She had only seen Lena when she should have seen the danger.

“It's my fault. You don't have to tell me that because I know. But you are wrong, Misses Luthor”, Supergirl held her cold gaze, not even blinking, “She's neither a cripple nor is she ugly. She's Lena. She's smart, she is strong. So much stronger than you know. She's ambitious and clever, she's kind. She has a good heart and she's her own hero. And she's beautiful.”

An evil sounding laugh rang through the hangar as Lillian threw her head back, her whole body shaking in amusement, “You are pathetic for a Super. What a tragic little tale. An alien abomination and the maimed bastard child of my husband...a bit like Romeo and Juliet, don't you think? And the ending will repeat itself as well.”

It was then that Lena's mother took another step forward, but before Supergirl could have even reacted, an iron pipe connected with Lillian's skull and the woman fell to the floor, grabbing at her head, blood running down her face.

Lena stood there, pipe in hand, breathing heavily.  
Getting one of the suit's steadying pipes had been easy, but walking quietly when her whole hip felt on fire, hadn't been.  
She hadn't been able to strike as hard as she had intended to either because her strength had left her when she had lifted the pipe over her head, but it had been enough to send Lillian toppling to the floor.

Supergirl took the pipe out of her shaking hands while her mother glared at her with a mixture of disbelief and outright hate, but Lena did no longer care.  
Lillian had never been her mother, had never been anything to her other than a tormentor.  
It was enough.  
As she had said – it would end today.

“Can you stand for a bit longer?”, Supergirl asked and Lena nodded. She might collapse once she made it home, but she wouldn't miss this moment.  
It was the moment of her triumph.  
Over her mother, over the family name.  
Nobody would take that away from her.

Supergirl moved in super speed and got the chair Lena had been tied to and pushed Lillian into it, hovering over the woman like the threat Lillian insinuated her to be.

“You asked me once what I am to your daughter”, Supergirl spoke with a steady voice, determined and confident, “I told you I was her friend. Today I'm telling you she's my family.”

“No!”, Lillian barked out and pressed the Kryptonite against the heroine's family crest on her chest, only to realise that it had no effect whatsoever.

“Sorry, wrong suit”, Supergirl chuckled before she tied Lillian to the chair and stepped back till she was next to Lena, who instantly leant against her, completely worn out by everything that had transpired.

In that moment the Supergirl attitude fell away and revealed Kara, who pulled Lena into her arms, holding her close to provide the comfort the shaken woman clearly needed.

A heavy silence hung over them and the minutes ticked away until DEO agents finally stormed into the building, led by a furious Alex Danvers, followed by a pissed off and yet slightly amused J'onn J'onzz.  
Kara could tell that he was proud of her and she gave him a smile in response.

The two unconscious men were carried away and J'onn turned towards Lena's mother, “Misses Luthor, it's my pleasure to let you know that you will be enjoying a stay at the DEO per direct orders from the president until we figure out what to do with you because let me assure you...you will not escape again.”

An arrogant scoff was all the answer he got.

A moment later agents carried the woman away as well, together with the chair, followed by J'onn and the only ones left behind were Alex, Kara and Lena.

“You're bleeding.”  
The worried tone in Alex' voice warmed Kara's heart. Her sister might be mad at her, but that didn't make her care less. Good to know some things would never change despite everything that had.

“Just a scratch.”

“I really wanna kill you”, Alex punched Kara's shoulder before she pulled her into a hug, “I'm glad you're okay.”

A smile appeared on Kara's face and she nodded, “I'll take Lena home. It's been a long day.”

Before she could lift Lena up her sister grabbed her wrist and halted her every move, “Cadmus leaked a video of you and Lena in the park...back from that day. It's all over the news.”

“So they know....”

It was Alex' turn to nod, “They know.”

“Okay.”  
It was all she could say really because it was too late anyway. It had always been just a matter of time before somebody would reveal her identity. It had happened to Clark and she had known that it would happen to her.  
Was she scared? Yes. But Kara was also relieved if she was honest.  
This dancing around in the shadows, always lying, always pretending – it wasn't her. It had never been.  
She knew she'd freak out eventually and she would worry, oh Rao would she worry. But not tonight.  
It had to wait till tomorrow.

“Brunch at Noonan's?”, she asked Alex at last, causing her sister to smile, “Yeah.”

“Bring Maggie.”  
And then Kara did lift up Lena, who had fallen awfully quiet, and they were gone only a moment later.

\-------------

Lena had changed robotically as soon as they had arrived at the apartment before she had gone to sleep without a word, which had left Kara to her own devices.

She didn't know what had happened between Lena and her mother, but it couldn't have been good if Lena was so caught up in her own head.  
Sitting on the couch in the living room, staring out of the window everything started to sink it. It brought back the guilt and the self-blame, the anger, the fury and the fear and Kara felt slightly overwhelmed once more.  
She really needed to see that therapist because she didn't know how to deal.  
On top of it all, she was worried about Lena.  
She had to be strong for her, that much was certain, but Kara wasn't sure how to when she felt like falling apart herself.

What a messed up first day back on heroine duty it had been.  
At least Henshaw was gone and Lillian would most likely never see daylight again either.

And then she drifted off to sleep as well, the couch far from being as comfortable as the bed, but she wanted to give Lena the privacy she obviously needed.

There was also the problem that people obviously knew who she was now and she wasn't sure what to do about that yet either. She would call Clark in the morning. He would know what to do.

\-------------

Kara woke with a start, realising that it was dark outside and a look at the clock made her realise that it was past 3 am.  
She listened into the darkness, but Lena was still fast asleep.  
What had woken her up?

She scanned the whole apartment, but there was no one there.  
And then she felt the unpleasant sensation of being famished. She hadn't eaten all day and considering how much strength the fight with Hank Henshaw alone had taken out of her the feeling of hunger was no surprise. Not to mention the loaded situation with Lillian, while more draining emotionally than physically, had resulted in her being grazed by a Kryptonite bullet.  
If she would have found her way into a bed at the DEO and under the sunlamps she would be perfectly fine and healed by now, but since she had taken Lena home right away she would have to wait for the sunrise to recharge and so she got up and headed to the fridge because Kara was well aware that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep like that.

She ended up making pancakes because the grocery shopping she had meant to do after the launch had never happened.  
\---------

Lena's heartbeat sped up when Kara was on her third pancake and she appeared in the kitchen a few minutes later on her crutches.

Kara offered her some food, but Lena declined and sat down on a chair wordlessly, apparently still as caught up in her head as earlier.

_Look at her...young, strong, flawless._  
_You're a monster. The ugliest._

Her mother's words repeated over and over in her head while she watched Kara eat and Lena felt the urge to cover her ears, fully aware that it would be pointless because Lillian's voice had invaded her every thought once again.

_A monster. The ugliest. Young, strong, flawless. Monster. Ugly. Young. Strong. Flawless. Monster. Monster. Ugly. Monster._

The words trashed in her mind like the waves when they hit the shore and she got tossed around in the stormy sea that was her thoughts and she felt like drowning, unable to keep her head above water a moment longer.

She didn't even realise that she had started to cry or that Kara had gotten up. Only when strong arms pulled her into a comforting embrace did Lena find a moment of solace before she met Kara's eyes. Striking blue eyes that hid so much pain and yet the most evident emotions were worry and honest concern. And a kindness that would never cease to amaze her, especially considering how much Kara had lost.

“You should go.”  
Lena managed to say it without her voice breaking and she felt Kara pull away as she took a step back.

The worry had given way to more hurt and utter confusion, “You want me to go?”

No. Of course not.  
It was the last thing Lena wanted.  
But it was selfish and she couldn't ask Kara to stay. She just couldn't.  
Kara had a right to live her life, to be free of this burden. Of her.

“You should go.”  
Lena barely managed to repeat her words and hoped that she wouldn't have to do it again because she wasn't sure for how much longer she could keep up her facade before it would crumble.  
And Kara just stood and eyed her like a hawk, as if she would be trying to read her thoughts.

“That's not what I asked”, Kara said at last, “What I should or shouldn't do is for me to decide. But if you want me to go...I will. So do you?”

Yes.  
It was only one word.  
And Lena was hellbent on letting Kara go because that's what people did when they really cared about someone. They set them free.  
And she wanted that for Kara, but she couldn't get the word out. 

Tears were streaming down her face now and her vision started to blur and she wished that she could just lie to Kara, just this once.  
But the truth was that the mere thought of Kara walking out of the door was paralysing her.

“Lena...whatever your mother said to you doesn't matter. It's not true.”

Her hand shot forward, searching for Kara, who seemed to be so near and yet completely out of reach and a sob escaped Lena's lips.  
And then she was in Kara's arms again, safe and protected and warm and she cried because her heart was broken, shattered into pieces, and when Kara whispered that everything would be fine and that she had her it broke all over again.

\-------------

It had taken Lena a while to calm down and now that she was sitting on the couch opposite from Kara she wasn't sure what to do, so she kept fiddling with her hands nervously.  
She was caught in that dark headspace of doubt, rejection, and self-sabotage and Lena wasn't sure how to get out of it, but before she could give it any more thought Kara broke the uncomfortable silence.

“Lena, I need to know. Do you want me to go?” 

“No, but...”

Kara took her hand and squeezed it, “There is no but.”

Of course there was. And not just one.

“Kara”, she closed her eyes to gather her thoughts. She couldn't be selfish, she couldn't. Kara deserved better.  
“It doesn't matter what I want, Kara. It's not right to keep you here. You are young and flawless and strong. You are Supergirl. You can have a remarkable career. And you have a life to live. I can't hold you back, it's not right. The whole world is at your feet...literally.”

Kara had to look away because it hurt her how little Lena thought of herself and she needed a moment, but then she met Lena's waiting gaze, “I don't care. I don't want any of it, Lena. Can't you see? You are my world and I don't want anything else, I don't need anything else.”

She rubbed at her temple. Of course Kara would make this difficult. Having that conversation in the middle of the night, especially after the day they had experienced, hadn't been a smart idea. She should have taken the time to sort her thoughts, prepare her arguments or better yet, a whole speech, but her mind hadn't allowed it, as her thoughts had kept twirling down the abyss that was her psyche, without mercy.

“That's what you say now, Kara. But you will regret it one day. And then you'll hate me and I can't. The mere thought makes me die inside. Please, be selfish. Just this once. Be selfish and live. Go.”

“You want me to be selfish?”  
Kara knew it was a bad idea and she should just shut up or talk Lena into going back to bed, sleep over it and talk about this some other time, but she couldn't let it go. 

“Yes, I want you to be selfish. Because let's be real here...what do you even want with me, Kara? You are basically invincible. Outstanding. Flawless. You can fly for heaven's sake. And now look at me, really look at me. Don't tell me you don't see my scars. The marred flesh. I only have one leg. I can barely take five steps without my cane and without falling over. What could you possibly see in me, want with me?”

And Kara tried. Tried with all her might to stay quiet, but not even her super strength could stop the words from slipping out, “I want you.”

“W-what?”  
It was all Lena could say because she was positive that she was hallucinating from exhaustion, but then Kara got up and started to pace the room, obviously debating what to say or how to proceed.

“I know you probably aren't ready to hear any of this. I'm not even sure I'm ready to say it but look at us, Lena. We're both a mess and life keeps throwing us curveballs and one day it might be too late. And I'll be damned if I don't say it, if I keep quiet any longer. And I'm being selfish now and I'm sorry if it's all too much, but Lena...I love you. I'm in love with you since forever and I see you. I know you have these scars. I know your flaws, we've been friends long enough. But that's not what I see when I look at you. I see you. Lena. And your beautiful heart and it outshines everything. I don't see burn marks or faults. I see courage and strength and bravery. Ambition and dedication. I see the woman I've fallen in love with during movie nights and Kombucha dates and no matter how many times you tell me to go because it's better for me, I will not leave you. I want to be where you are because you've become my home. For the first time since I lost Krypton, and everything else I held dear, I feel home. I feel home when I'm with you.”

And Lena was crying again because she hadn't expected any of this.  
When Kara had started to talk she had panicked for a moment because she had indeed been unsure if she was ready to hear what Kara had to say, but she couldn't have stopped her, not even if she had wanted to because Kara was a force to be reckoned with once she worked up the nerve to talk.  
As it turned out she had been more ready for that truth than she had thought, but she wasn't ready to say it back. Or to say anything at all for that matter.

Kara didn't seem to mind though, she just lied down and patted the spot next to her and Lena couldn't deny herself the comfort any longer. She moved around and laid down as well, snuggled up against Kara's side, wrapped up in the arms of the woman, who had come for her once again. Who had fought for her and who had believed in her from the start and who's growing love for her apparently never wavered.

She listened to Kara's strong and steady heartbeat for a while and allowed the safety it provided to wash over her and take away the tension that had befallen her. The sound was music to her ears and it calmed her nerves better than anything else ever had.

“It's not going to be easy”, she said at last and although Lena couldn't see Kara's face because her head was resting in the crook of Kara's neck, Lena could still tell that Kara was smiling.

“I know. It's not going to be a walk in the park. Healing takes time.”

Lena nodded, “And you have to be really patient with me because I'm a mess. And a Luthor and we don't handle emotions well and...”

“I won't leave.”  
It sounded so final and Kara seemed so convinced and determined.  
And Lena found that she didn't mind all that much.  
They had gotten hurt together and for the longest time she had thought the trauma had torn them apart, separated them forever, but now that she was lying in Kara's arms Lena realised it had only brought them closer together in the end.

\-------------

They stood at the floor-to-ceiling window in the living room, Lena's back to Kara's front, Kara's arms wrapped around her waist to keep her upright and steady, as they watched the sun rise over National City.  
The sight was breathtakingly beautiful and Lena couldn't shake the sensational feeling of hope and new beginnings that seemed to engulf her. The both of them really if Kara's face, which reflected in the windowpane, was anything to go by.  
Everything felt so magical and while Lena knew it wouldn't last she didn't dread what was ahead anymore, at least not as much as she had.

They had fought the darkness together and while the war wasn't won yet, they had been victorious in their first battles and that was all that mattered for now.  
They could move forward from here – stronger than they had ever been and together.

And while the night gave way to a new day right in front of their eyes Lena felt how their shared darkness started to fade away as well.  
It left her excited and even a little bit giddy because after the darkness comes the light.


	9. Bare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hey everyone,_   
>  _Sorry for the long absence. Life and its curveballs._   
>  _Thanks for your continued support and love for this story. It means everything._
> 
> _Much love to everyone! xo_
> 
>  
> 
> \-------------
> 
>  
> 
> **I also want to take the opportunity to dedicate this story to my dear friend - MissLane.**
> 
> **The initial plan was to post this with the last chapter, but she beat me to it because she started to read early LOL**
> 
>  
> 
>  **Writing fanfiction (and I've done it for years and for different fandoms) comes with quite the steep price.**  
>  **It is very time consuming, it takes a lot of effort and sacrifice, but we all do it because we love it.**  
>  **The not so funny side is that sometimes it also comes with a lot of fandom madness and even hate.**  
>  **You know what makes it worth it none-the-less? What keeps you going no matter how crazy or ugly things** **sometimes get?**
> 
> **The friendships you make along the way.**   
>  **They are worth everything.**
> 
> **I've admired MissLane's work since forever and somewhere along this journey our paths crossed. And I can't**   
>  **tell you how privileged and honoured I feel to have her in my life and being able to call her my friend.**
> 
> **She's one of the strongest and most inspirational people I know. She's also incredibly talented and unbelievably**   
>  **kind.**
> 
>  
> 
> So this story is dedicated to MissLane - and to her lovely wife.
> 
>    
>  ** _And yes, I know, MissL...you probably want to strangle me right now, but it's too late._**  
>  **_It's done_**  
>  ** _It was always meant to be this way._**  
>  ** _Thank you - for everything. But most of all - thank you for your friendship._**  
>  ** _Love ya tons!_**  
>  ** _Hugs_**

**A** s it turned out the light hurt as well.  
Looking at things in broad daylight meant that nothing could be hidden in the shadows anymore. And once everything lay bare the pain intensified tenfold.  
Like a burn on the skin, when everything is oversensitive and even a breath of air hurts because every nerve ending is raw and open and unprotected.

Lena woke up with a smile on her face for a change. A smile that fell mere seconds later when she realised that Kara was not in bed anymore. A smile that died completely when she found Kara pacing the kitchen while she talked to someone on the phone, her whole body tense.

The memories from the day before came rushing back and Lena's blissful morning was swept away before she could do so much as blink.  
Despite yesterday's events she had found rest and had woken up feeling lighter and Lena was well aware that Kara had everything to do with it.

Her mother's manipulations would come back to haunt her eventually, that much was certain, but after Kara's determined speech, after her declaration of love and hope for a future together, all the horrible things her mother had thrown at her had vanished, if only for the moment.

She was fine.  
It was only temporary, Lena knew that, but she was okay.  
But Kara clearly wasn't.  
And then she remembered what Alex had said yesterday.  
Cadmus had leaked a video.  
Supergirl's identity had been revealed.

What did that mean?  
For Kara?  
For them?

She watched as Kara got more distressed by the second, shoulders hanging, gaze lost. The fact that Kara hadn't noticed her presence yet was what startled Lena the most though.  
She really had to be out of it.

Lena decided to return to the bedroom because she wanted to give Kara some privacy, but her crutch knocked against the doorframe as she turned around.  
Kara was next to her in a heartbeat, phone long forgotten, and it warmed Lena's heart, as it always did, to see how much Kara cared.  
It also gave her a chance to meet Kara's eyes and she saw the vulnerability, the fear and the insecurity in them.

The person by her side wasn't Supergirl or Kara Danvers. Right in this moment she looked at Kara Zor-El at her weakest.  
Everything had been about her and her injuries and Lena wanted to smack herself, especially because she had been part of the conversation with Alex.

Kara had reached her breaking point and she had pushed through to save her once again, but Kara was fragile too.  
It was so easy to forget that because Supergirl was ever so strong and confident and Kara too had the heart of a lion, but right now she was not okay, for several reasons.  
Lena vowed to be better. She didn't want to be a victim anyway, but now more than ever she had to find her own strength.  
For herself.  
And for Kara.

\-------------

Brunch with Alex and Maggie had been re-located to Lena's apartment because there was no way Kara could have left the building.  
Not even as Supergirl.  
L-Corp was surrounded by reporters, helicopters were in the air and everybody was waiting for Kara to show herself, not just as Supergirl, but as the human she pretended to be.

The problem was that Kara couldn't face the public right then.  
She was barely hanging on, barely able to keep herself from falling apart, so stepping out into the open, revealing herself, was out of the question.

Alex and Kara had spent a good half an hour in the kitchen, whispering conspiratorially, and Lena had gotten more and more anxious with each minute that had passed by despite Maggie's many attempts to distract her and reassure her that things would be fine.

But as soon as Alex and Maggie left Lena knew.  
She knew when she saw Kara with her face buried in her hands. She knew when she saw her hanging shoulders.  
She knew.  
She knew that nothing was fine and the delicate hope that she had woken up with turned to dust.

The silence that had befallen them was weighing Lena down and she had to limp over to the couch to take a seat, unsure of what to expect.

“I need to leave town for a while.”

It came out of the blue and Lena had been nowhere near prepared for those words, that truth.  
She hadn't thought that Kara would say anything at all, she hadn't made any attempt to, but all of a sudden the words shattered the quiet and cut straight through Lena's heart.

“W-where are you...going?”, Lena's hands were shaking, the dreadful feeling of loss wrapping itself around her throat, panic rising in her chest.  
She would lose Kara again. She would lose Kara again and this time it would break her.

Kara finally uncovered her face and made the few steps over to sit down next to Lena, only a few inches separating them, “I meeting Clark in Midvale. Eliza said for now it's safe as nobody has bothered her yet. It's only a matter of time though. But it's a start. I just...I need...I'm not ready...”

“I know”, Lena took Kara's hand and squeezed it, “I know.”

A lone tear rolled down her cheek, but Kara didn't mind because she felt like crying rivers.  
She was hurting so much, her heart and her mind were screaming from the agony she felt, and for as strong as she was, she was too weak to swallow it down any longer, “I'm sorry, Lena. I'm so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”  
And it was true. Kara had done everything in her power to save her once again, she had stepped up to the task, had taken on a responsibility she shouldn't have had to begin with and although they had managed to catch Lillian, and hopefully for good this time, her mother had been victorious anyway.

Her words had hit their mark with full force, not just where Lena was concerned. Lillian had managed to hurt Kara in a way not even Kryptonite could and Lena was aware that the guilt, now that she had to face it in broad daylight while she was bare and raw, was what brought Kara to her knees.  
And she couldn't even hide because Lillian made sure that everyone knew who she was, that she would never have a quiet moment again. No time to heal, to recover, nowhere to hide. At least not in National City.

Because even though people loved Supergirl they wouldn't just respect her privacy, they wouldn't just back-off.  
It wasn't that easy and never would be.  
Simply because people felt so entitled to know everything about everyone who was in the spotlight. As if they had a right to them, as if they would possess them. And it didn't matter that Supergirl was their hero, that she was the one who had saved them, who had saved the world on more than one occasion. If anything it made it ten times worse.

The fact that Kara was just a “normal” person with friends and family, but most of all with weaknesses and fears, was what drew everyone in like a moth to a flame.  
Supergirl, well, Supergirl was unstoppable for the most part. The Girl of Steel was a force to be reckoned with and now that she had a suit that could protect her from Kryptonite there was no match for her anymore.

But that's not what people wanted to know. They wanted to see Kara. Loving and sweet and kind Kara Danvers with all her flaws. And they would poke at them, mercilessly, simply because they could.  
Lena knew that they would without a doubt.

The few minutes she had turned on the TV earlier to see how bad it was, and it was really bad, she had heard reporters speculate about all things Kara Danvers and it had broken her already fragile heart.

Of course, Kara had to leave – to protect herself. To heal. To finally heal after all this time.  
She understood, but it hurt.  
It hurt in a way she couldn't describe, it felt like with Kara a part of her would leave.  
The most important part.  
The one she had all along.  
Kara would take her heart.  
What would that leave her with other than darkness, loneliness and unimaginable anger?  
Fury. And the hate she felt for her mother these days.

It scared Lena to death, but before those thoughts overtook her mind Kara spoke once more,  
“I wish you could come with me, Lena”, she gave her a weak smile, “But I can't ask that of you. You have L-Corp and everything is so uncertain and I'm a mess...and...”

“I don't care.”  
The words were out of Lena's mouth before she even registered it herself, “If you want me with you...I'll come. Gladly. To the end of the world if necessary.”

Kara shook her head, “Lena, you don't know what you're saying...”

She looked at her then, straight into Kara's vulnerable blue eyes and Lena could feel it. Her own strength, how it slowly rose and spread in her chest, making her sit up straighter, a determination she had never known before taking over her entire being, “I'm not going to leave you, Kara. It is as you said...you are my world. And the rest of it means nothing without you. L-Corp survived without me for months, it can do so again till we figure out what to do. I know whom to leave in charge, whom I can trust. And even if I'd lose it all...it's just money. You, on the other hand, Kara...you are beyond price.”

A tiny sparkle of hope was shimmering in blue eyes, “You really want to come with me? Lena, are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

\-------------

Maggie had picked up Lena once the sun had gone down for all the world to see, and a sea of flashlights had been directed at them both, together with countless questions of the reporters who had been waiting in front of L-Corp like hyenas ever since the video had been leaked the day before, but Lena had simply gotten into the car without a word, her face hidden behind her sunglasses, her posture as stoic as she could manage with her cane and her limp.

And then it had happened.  
Supergirl had shot up into the air and everybody had looked at the sky in wonder while the heroine rose higher and higher at lightning speed, too fast and too high for any helicopter to follow and then she was gone.

Maggie had used that moment to drive off as well, unnoticed by the press because everybody had been too busy staring after Supergirl.  
They had changed cars two blocks away, just to be sure, and together with Alex and J'onn they had taken off – destination: Danvers residence, Midvale.

\-------------

Kara and Clark had taken the opportunity to talk while they waited for the arrival of the others.  
Her cousin had listened attentively, well aware that Kara's situation was a lot different from his own and it had done Kara some good that he hadn't tried to make light of her situation.

They had ended up joking about how she needed something akin to a “bat cave” as the _Fortress of Solitude_ wasn't a comfortable place to live. At least it wouldn't be for Lena.

Kara had blushed when Clark had said it, but he had only squeezed her shoulder, had given her a bright smile, “She's the good Luthor. The one who truly owns the family name. She is what Lex could never be. And I'm glad it's her, Kara. I'm glad that she's the one...'cause for all the people on this planet...nobody could love you the way she does.”

A smile appeared on Kara's face then, wide and warm and beautiful, “I know.”

“I can't tell you what to do, Kara. I haven't been through the things you've been through. Neither of you. But whatever you do...don't let her go.”

She nodded and hugged him close, “Thank you for everything. For keeping my town safe for me while I couldn't. For being there and...for...this.”

Clark kissed her on the forehead, “We're family, Kara. I'm always just a message away. Or a phone call. If you need anything...I'll be here in the blink of an eye.”

They both laughed at the truth of the statement.

\-------------

Kara had moved Eliza's home office upstairs with her permission and had moved the furniture of her old bedroom downstairs because there was no way that Lena could have climbed said stairs.  
They had enjoyed dinner with Clark before he had dashed off to check in on Maggie, Alex, J'onn and Lena, who arrived in Midvale in the middle of the night.

\-------------

Eliza was already gone by the time Kara and Lena got up, but breakfast was waiting for them on the kitchen table.  
They had gone to bed right after Lena's arrival because Lena had been exhausted and barely able to keep her eyes open and Kara had been more tired as usual as well.

The DEO trio had returned to National City right away and Kara felt sorry for Eliza because she knew that her foster mother had been dying to spend some time with Alex and even Maggie. She needed to come up with a plan to lure them back out for a family dinner or something while they were there.

For now, she worried how well the first meeting between her mother and Lena would go later today because while Lena was nothing like the rest of her family, Lillian had caused the Danvers family a lot of grief and heartache.

“So, do we have a plan yet?”, Lena asked and took a sip of her orange juice.

“No, not really”, Kara admitted and looked quite miserable doing so, “I mean...I thought about...uhm...moving away from...National City.”

Lena looked at her in alarm, but Kara instantly shook her head, “That came out. Wrong. I mean I think I need a place to live...outside of town. Where I can be me and, you know. Just be. But close by in case Supergirl is needed.”

“I might be able to help with that”, Lena stated with a smile Kara hadn't seen in forever. She was confident and strong and triumphant like back in the day. Before the attack. Before the scars. And it was beautiful. Lena was beautiful.

She tilted her head, “How so?

“I happen to own a piece of land right outside of town. With a lake and a log cabin. I wanted a little get away from everything. I've never been there since I bought it because I was too busy, but I think it could be what you are looking for”, Lena explained, “I'll show you later if you want. I've got pictures on my laptop.”

“I'd love that. But first I need to show you something”, Kara announced, fidgeting nervously.

“Okay.”

\-------------

Kara had brought Lena into the woods, glad that she knew her way around so well that she could fly without people noticing her here in Midvale, but now that she was staring at the damage she had caused that day, shortly before she had returned to National City, Kara felt uneasy.  
Losing control was one of her biggest fears and now that she faced all the disrooted trees and broken trunks, the crater-like holes she had left behind, she was scared. She hadn't thought it would be that bad.

“Why are we here, Kara?”, Lena asked carefully and sat down on a trunk nearby as her hip was hurting a lot from sitting in the car for so long the day before.  
She watched Kara pace and debate with herself, obviously trying to decide what or if to tell her.

It took Kara a while to work up the nerve, but then she waved her hand around, “I did this. I did this...the day I returned to National City...because it was all too much.”

Lena knew that Kara was nowhere near done talking, so she waited. With the patience of a saint, quiet and calm.

And then, without warning, in the solitude of the woods and with only the woman she loved as a witness, Kara finally broke.  
Broke the silent vow she had taken once, the vow to keep her past and all her pain to herself.

She told Lena about Krypton, about her parents, about her dreams. About the loss she had suffered, about the pain she had felt. About all her fears and about the anger. She told her about every thought she had ever had, about the hurt it had caused her to hide who she was, about the feeling of being so utterly lost and alone in the world.  
About the hardships of adjusting to life on earth, about the sacrifices she had to make as Supergirl and about the horror she had experienced the day of the attack.  
How the guilt had taken over her every thought, how it had controlled her whole life and how it was eating away at her still.  
How her anger got the better of her at times and how scared she was that she would lose herself one day.  
She told her about the furious monster that lay dormant within her. How it fed on her heartbreak, her lies and her guilt and that, one day, it might not take Red Kryptonite to unleash it.

That she didn't know how to forgive herself – for surviving while Krypton had died, together with everyone she had held dear.  
For walking away unscathed while Lena was scarred for life.  
How coming close to losing Lena too had left her terrified in a way she hadn't known how to deal with. Still didn't.

And then Kara cried until she had no tears anymore while Lena listened and waited.

She waited until Kara dropped down on the trunk next to her, causing it to crack loudly and although Lena knew she shouldn't, she couldn't stop herself from laughing.  
Out loud.

The situation was simply too bizarre.  
And then Kara was laughing as well, Lena's laugh too infectious not too.

She looked at Lena in wonder as if she would see her for the first time and somehow she did.  
No more masks, no more secrets.  
She was completely bare, they both were, their walls torn down, and they were left with nothing, but the naked truth.

Lena and Kara.  
A Luthor and a Super.  
Hated and loved.  
At times feared, both of them.

And while Lena hadn't said it Kara knew that she loved her. She could see it in Lena's sparkling green eyes.

Their gazes locked and they saw each other for who they were – two strong women, broken due to loss, pain and torment, but still alive.  
Still standing, still fighting.

“I want you to work for me. For L-Corp. You're too smart to rot in that archive. I'll get you a lab. You can experiment and invent. We can spend lunch breaks together whenever you feel like it. And I'll have them construct a secret entrance for you so people will leave you alone. You will be close by and you can keep an eye on me because we both know you'll be calmer that way. You can keep me safe and I can do everything in my power to do the same for you. You aren't on Krypton anymore, but Kara...you can still be the woman you were meant to be. Here on Earth.”

Kara wanted to decline, but it only took her a second to nod instead. Simply because Lena's eyes told her everything she needed to know.  
She realised it wasn't an offer made out of pity or charity.  
Lena offered because she understood.  
Because she saw her.

Kara Zor-El.

Lena saw her in all her Kryptonian glory, with all her flaws and fears.  
Lena saw her potential, but also her dark side.  
And yet Lena trusted her, loved her.

It was in that moment that Kara knew, without a doubt, albeit the way ahead of them was long and hard, they would be fine.

The sun might be the one to give her wings, but it was Lena who made her fly.


End file.
